nathanialroyale: (Devil told me too)

52 colors of one dress.
48 colors of another dress.
14 wood stain and 14 texture recolors of furniture.

I just need to rename 31 of those 48 dress files and take previews of them.

nathanialroyale: (Devil told me too)
Under age love depicted in art and writing...

You ask, What makes it worth defending? and the only answer I can give is this: Freedom to write, freedom to read, freedom to own material that you believe is worth defending means you're going to have to stand up for stuff you don't believe is worth defending, even stuff you find actively distasteful, because laws are big blunt instruments that do not differentiate between what you like and what you don't, because prosecutors are humans and bear grudges and fight for re-election, because one person's obscenity is another person's art.

Because if you don't stand up for the stuff you don't like, when they come for the stuff you do like, you've already lost.

The CBLDF will defend your First Amendment right as an adult to make lines on paper, to draw, to write, to sell, to publish, and now, to own comics. And that's what makes the kind of work you don't like, or don't read, or work that you do not feel has artistic worth or redeeming features worth defending. It's because the same laws cover the stuff you like and the stuff you find icky, wherever your icky line happens to be: the law is a big blunt instrument that makes no fine distinctions, and because you only realise how wonderful absolute freedom of speech is the day you lose it.

- Neil Gaiman

Hells YES.

nathanialroyale: (Masquerade)
Nathan gave in.

Here have some Tumblr

It shall be random ramblings, pictures, snippets and stuffs yes.

nathanialroyale: (Not Impressed)

Am I the only one that thinks happy endings are over-rated sometimes? Even in fantasy where the dead can be brought back, and lovers re-united, only so many people should come back from the dead before you start saying, 'Okay then why don't we just bring back everybody already?!'

And not every divorced couple can get back together, actually....not many can at all usually. There is a good reason one would think for divorce and it's not just going to be wished away by time or distance. Especially if those people found other people to love, the most I say I would hope for is that they wish good will toward each other in their new endeavors.

Not everyone has to end up with a romantic interest to be happy in their life. Ever heard of asexuals? Especially abused individuals, trust is not easy to begin with and then you have those that really can't trust and sometimes it's not a good idea for them to be in a relationship. That relationship being with another broken, damaged individual does not make this automatically better by the way >.> I say it would be harder, two damaged people trusting each other? O.o

Not all of my characters have happy endings, some of them do, but many do not, they do not all end in tragedy but they end in a good dose of reality. And I'm sorry if reality in your fantasy is not what you want but I love my world because it feels real to me, tangible as though I could walk out my door and into it. And that is because there is so much to lose, and everything to gain and in the end your misfortune or luck may be destiny or chance just like the real world.

I'm going to break this even though I'm stating it now, no more people coming back to life, no more all encompassing, unconditional love because even in a world where Gods walk the shores, death is still death and some die before their time. How would life be precious otherwise? And unconditional terrifying. My muse by the name of this account has never had unconditional love ever, and the very idea scares him more then anything else because it's something he can not understand, something he can not comprehend. Love has always been conditional and it will always be conditional, you can do something wrong, something so heinous that you will be left alone in the dark. And in realizing this you panic, but you hold on and you savor every moment of everyday of that person loving you. And when they don't anymore your heart breaks but you knew it was coming and then you leave your heart shattered on the floor and move on.

I'm not bitter or pessimistic but...

I rather like your everyday normal endings.

Because Happy endings are so over-rated and they become so very very cheap.

nathanialroyale: (Dance)
Which words do you use too much in your writing?

One of those words I was taught to never use in grade school - went, it sounds like you going pee >.> And I also use Alright and Yah way to much in conversation/dialogue. Yah has to be sponged from my writing given the time (Medieval) I am working within!

Which words do you consider overused in stuff you read?

I don't really notice specific words O.o If I am it usually means that I am growing bored with the book as it cannot get me involved in the story.

What’s your favourite piece of writing by you?

Le'lis; because it was the hardest piece I have ever worked on, as it was a pure descriptive piece on environment and a culture from the third person omniscient point of view.

Regrets, do you have a few? Is there anything you wish you hadn’t written?

I regret losing my floppy disk of all of my short stories when I was 13, I left it in B.C and my cousin could not find it. Now the writing probably would look terrible but it was short stories I was writing sense I was 8! And of things I wish I had not written...I have an old piece of Lord of the Rings fanfic that was very cracky and it got published on a very popular LOTR fanfic website. It's still there! I duck my head when I think about that piece!

How has your writing made a difference?

I had a friend in highschool who was living through hell, and the only way she could escape was into my world, she loved my characters and hated them beside me, she cried when I read to her my work. And she hung on as tightly as I was to the light that was so small at the end of the tunnel of adolescence, feeling like my protagonist that 16 was the day we were going to die and the days leading were too damn long. Depressed, destroyed and and having no one we found a comrade in Nathanial and Drefan, our sorrows and our hatreds. My world, a fantasy I had started but she helped to meld, kept us both alive, because I had a story to tell and she wanted to be their to hear it's end.

Name three favourite words

Gaaaauuhh I don't notice singular word usage >.<  But ummm... Shatter, scarred, feathers.

…And three words you’re not so keen on

Often, went, sin.

Do you have a writing mentor, role model or inspiration?

I have never had a Mentor, but I say my friends because they are my Drive, Anne Biship my role model, and Tolkien my inspiration.

What’s your writing ambition?

Write Nathanial and Drefan's story, no I still as of yet have no working title for my Novels, but even if I could never write again, those two books would be enough. Because I know if I die without finishing them I am not moving on, it sounds deliriously serious but it's how I feel. Writing is not a past time to me, I was chosen by them to tell their story, and this is the path I will walk >.> I would feel incomplete without my world, my characters and my stories breathing through me.

Plug alert! List any work you would like to tell your readers about:

Anything listed in title as [Novel]? As I can not seem to stick to an idea for a title for longer then a minute before I discard it.

Tag whoever you like!

nathanialroyale: (LOL)


I was hoping so hard he was going to do it, but I didn't know for certain until I saw this. Lord of the rings made my teen years and inspired me so heavily!

nathanialroyale: (Not Impressed)
This is written for my Sociology of Sexuality and Gender class. I posted it here and on D.A, I wont post it in a trans or pride community because I do not trust them not to bitch me out.


I have observed whilst being part of different pride groups or transsexual communities that even among those misunderstood by the rest of society and judged upon our adhering to scripting and gender codes; we still push those around us to the same standards. As a Female to Male Transsexual I have known for a long time I am doing nothing to fight against the scripts of hegemonic masculinity, the beliefs of what masculine behaviors and actions should be (Dictionary 3.0.) If I wished to fight against these scripts a better option would be to remain female in sex but gender myself male.  If for no other reason than I was not born male I must further adhere to these codes then a cis-gender, a person born to the correct gender and sex, male would have to!

We continually evaluate each other upon these behaviors and appearances, even when we know ourselves that we would not wish the same treatment. I am guilty of doing this in the past to a few other female to male transsexuals I have met, and such preconceived notions can turn into hostility. The idea of the peer arena, where others evaluate your gendered performance, and critique and judge each other does not end with the advancement into adulthood. It is more common among adolescence but their remains that ingrained notion in people that if they make others look worse than they are, they will look better in others eyes. To this end thoughts run that they are not taking their transition as seriously as I am, or that they are not as devoted.

This is why I usually do not enter or stay in groups or communities that deal with issues in my own life; we are constantly obsessed with describing, analyzing and reacting to other people’s choices of sexuality and personal life as Michel Foucault wrote.  The idea that someone’s sexuality should exist behind a closed door cannot really happen when we emerge ourselves in their affairs. We bring our notions of what is right and correct with us from before our transition even while we try to wage war on the scripts and gendered ideologies that we are trying to change! How can we change things if we ourselves are still judging each other on the notions kept by the essentialist lenses, that there are two genders and they are fundamentally different?(Dictionary 3.0.) To judge someone else’s transition from their born gender to their wanted gender is to open that door for the same treatment. As groups trying to bring messages we have been drawn to each other but stand apart, still calling judgments on those who we should be standing beside because no others will have us. If a minority cannot stand together how can it expect to stand up to the majority and enact these plans for change?

Based on society, media and what we have been taught we make the distinction between what is ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ sexual behavior. And it is this that we take up in arms against those who are at all different from ourselves even if they themselves are trying to escape heternormativity, the norms expected of each gender (Dictionary 3.0.) There is an increasing range of what is considered feminine and masculine, and transsexuals should be able to fall under these categories as well as cis-gendered individuals. A female to male transsexual should not have to have a buzz cut, wear baggy jeans and have facial hair to be acknowledged as a male, although this is easier said than done in practice of course. Just because this particular female to male is wearing makeup today and tight pants shouldn’t mean that oh! They have gone back upon their decision and wish to now remain female, or a male to female who is wearing slacks and a baggy t-shirt has changed their mind upon that decision as well. Though to counter my own point I will say however that many transsexuals I have met or heard from are far more sensitive then I in regards to gender pro-nouns and bullying.

I have the self confidence because of the support in my life not to be crushed when one person says to me that ‘you will never be male’. I know that many do not have this self confidence and support system, and they are the ones that the peer arena hurts the most. They who have their hearts crushed by complete strangers who are ill informed or simply just out to hurt, who think that anyone who says anything toward transsexuals in misunderstanding and not in flattery is being trans-phobic. We judge each other and we judge everyone else, and in standing together we need to get some thicker skin.

nathanialroyale: (Not Impressed)

I hate anything science or math related.

Astronomy you suck balls and I better pass this bloody course >.<

Why do I need 6 credits in science for a History major...

Science sucks.

That is all.

nathanialroyale: (Fox)

'Being any gender is to dress in drag.'

Don't mind me while I Flail about the best quote ever created :P

nathanialroyale: (LOL)

It is my 23rd today ^^

And I am currently taking a course in College about Gender,Sex and Sexuality.

I have always wondered why I have had difficulty dealing with the idea of Drag Queens/Drag Kings when I myself am a Transsexual, and I have always wanted to know how society perceived gender and sex, and why there are only two genders considered by society. This class helped me figure out why. We watched a documentary on Drag Queens and the 'Balls' they would go to during the 80-90's.

Paris is Burning portrayed most if not all of the Drag Queens as gay. I do know two Drag Queens in real life who are straight, one has a girlfriend.  The concepts we are learning helped me put into context for myself the difficulties and thoughts I have had in regard to these topics before. I have always known as a transsexual I am living by gender norms, the set of social and behavioral norms considered to be socially acceptable for individuals of a specific sex, and that in no way am I trying or able to escape them.

After all, to be seen as a man I must 'act' like a man no? That is giving into the scripting of hegemonic masculinity, what society believes a man should rightfully be by normative idealistic behaviors. It does bother me to an extent to know I am doing this but there is no escaping gender in our society. Even online you cannot escape it. Regardless of never showing your picture, and putting no gender down, the very way you word replies, the words used, the language itself will tell people what gender you are. This can be mistaken yes, but what I am implying is that, even if you wish to not be known as a gender you will always be known as one regardless.

Drag Queens give into the stereotypical emphasized femininity, the behavioral norms expected of women by telling them to be 'pretty', glamorous, wear makeup, dresses and heels. To be seen as a woman for a man they must embrace this over the top attitude and outlook, otherwise they are not 'real' and cannot 'pass' as a woman. For it is not what you perceive yourself identity, yourself gender, it is what others see. Gender is a performance, as theorized by Goffman's Dramaturgical perspective, we are always performing, and the reply to our performance is our self validation. For others to see us act and believe us to be male or female depending on what we wish to be perceived is the goal.

Drag King's give into the stereotypes of male behaviors by having facial hair (They usually wear fake facial hair), and clothes that are baggy or very masculine in most people’s eyes. There is no third gender, as a transsexual this is a reality. Society will never realize a third gender, and gender polarization, the exaggeration of the differences of the two genders will remain as long as the essentialist lens calling on the differences between men and women exists.  I do not want to live up to the masculine stereotypes, which would have me wearing a certain style of dress, shaving my skin until facial hair started growing more readily which would be extremely painful... So as I am small boned, petite and have voice that unless I work hard at it appears feminine I will not be read as masculine.

If I want to pass, if I want that self validation I have to give into to all the scripting, the roles and give a performance that is not really me. Which is why I am starting to realize at this point in time I am never going to be 'real', to 'pass' under societies lenses, because I am not willing to give up aspects of myself to be seen a certain way by others. I will continue to be referred to as she, her etc as long as I do not give in and accept this part of the way society runs.

This does cause me great frustration but now at the very least I understand why. I can see the why's behind society’s rules, norms and expectations when it comes to gender. I can also see the other side of the table, where I am causing awkward embarrassment for the other party when they realize I wish to be referred to as he. Failing the system as it were causes discomfort and problems on both ends, mine and the others. But as of yet there is nothing I can do about this, at least...

I'm a little more understanding now and patient. Every time someone forgets my correct gender title is not an insult, it is purely base reaction and no means on their end to hurt me. These mistakes are going to keep occurring, I might as well get used to it now. So once again I learn not to take stuff seriously, and let it roll off like water.

Note: (This was written for an assignment in that class.)

nathanialroyale: (Fox)
It's 4:30 am and FINALLY I have Zevran. Took long enough >.> Now finally my male ranger can has some lovins!

I adore Zevran's personality, the voice irritates me at times but he is adorable! (He's like a Elf Puss in Boots!)
nathanialroyale: (Fail)

Highlight the sentences that apply to you.

I am a boy. - (F2M)
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5’4.
I think I’m ugly sometimes. – Not the right body >.>
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color. - Black!
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance. - Again wrong body >.>
I have/I’ve had braces.
I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.

Meme Inside! )

nathanialroyale: (Heart)

I haven't really been writing recently, Seasonal depression kind of eats my muses alive >.>

Soooo instead of a drabble or short story I give random snippet of a Role Play that had me chuckling.

Vincent was at the castle to see Nathanial my Novel protagonist who in the events of the role play mentally and physically aged past 14 to 17 which in novel canon will never happen as he dies at 14 but in this role play was brought back to life. Sir.Rapheal is Nathanial's King's Guard, his most loyal man. This scene was the sight Vincent ended up coming upon in the castle.

The King was in formal attire, a frock coat, white tights and black leather heeled boots, the frock coat was black with silver engravings and intricate patterns on it.

"Rapheal?" Nathanial's deeper voice spoke up and there was a chuckle from behind him.

The King had a black silk blind fold wrapped about so he could not see his hands out before him; Rapheal leading him.

"You know I'm one for bondage and all its practical purposes but I never took you for that kind of man."

A deep laugh left Rapheal,"Their is much about me you don't know."

Nathan laughed showing his teeth still stumbling along. "Really now, are you trying to bash me into a wall?"

Rapheal grabbed onto him a bit better. "Not precisely you’re Majesty."

"Well you’re doing a fine job of it anyways!"
nathanialroyale: (Deviltoldmetoo)


Playstation 3 (Backwards compatible 160 GB hard-drive, able to play PS1,PS2 and PS3 as well as play DVDs and Blue Ray)
Dark wash jeans
A French Press for Coffee and Tea
Neopets Trading Cards
10$ in Neopets Neocash
A Glass Dragon Statue


Civilizations V (PC)
Dragon Age Origins (Ultimate Edition) (PC)
Oblivion (PS3)
Assassins Creed II (PS3)
Folklore (PS3)
Infinite Discoveries (Xbox360)
Devil May Cry 4 (Xbox 360)


Prince of Persia (DVD)
Underworld Rise of the Lycans (DVD)
X-Men Origins -Wolverine (DVD)
Swing Kids (DVD)
Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Complete (Blue-ray)

TV Seasons:

Criminal Minds Season 5 (DVD)
Supernatural Season 3 (DVD)
Supernatural Season 4 (DVD)


Songs of Love and Death
Vampire Hunter D Book 15

And I haven't received presents from my friends yet as I have yet to get together with them to exchange gifts :D
I know Kevin was getting me Fable III Limited Collectors Edition and that Cate was probably going to give me books ^^

And I am going to go hunting for Star Ocean the Last Hope and Heavy Rain at the second hand game store here in town. Those are the last games I want to get for now as well as Supernatural Season 2 as no one had it! ^______^

nathanialroyale: (Fox)

My Secret Santa for the first time absolutely loved what I made on GOS, it was a nice ego boost :D

I got a ps3 for Christmas in the real world :D

And I just made 4 million np on Neopets today lol!

Today has been an incredibly good day :D:D:D:D

nathanialroyale: (Deviltoldmetoo)
Secret Santa of mine, I am being overly ambitious this time around, so here is to hoping I finish all the sets I have in mind for you. If I don't I apologize ahead of time.

I am going over board with recoloring, but I hope you will enjoy!

I have to get these done, two more quizzes done before the 8th and then study for 3 finals O.o

As my girlfriend likes to say, I am nuck and futs :P
nathanialroyale: (Not Impressed)
It really disgusts me that most of the information I am finding about the Islamic Golden Age and the scientific achievements of that time have to be wrote by Islamic sites because non Islamic sites accuse them of making it up O.o. 8th century to 13th century, they made amazing innovations in every single field, and if it weren't for them it would have been a lot longer before we would have had the Greek philosophy and wisdom's that they translated into Arabic.

Put aside your hates of what SOME Islamic sects have done these days and look past your selfishness, an entire people are not bad, an entire religion is not evil! Ignorance is what ticks me off.

The only source of info that was at the very least neutral was Wikipedia! WTF?!

Look at this list of stuff it's insane!

Innovations of the Muslim World

I really hate when people deny history, I really really really hate it! 
And don't even get me started on people who deny the holocaust >.>

//End Rant.//
nathanialroyale: (Squall!Fail!)
I signed up for origfic bingo and I am waiting impatiently for my card, but now I find out my paper proposals (History and Philosophy) are due on the 8th of Oct.

The History paper is going to be interesting, it's on a Iranian Scholar named Al Ghazali, and I will get to research Islam which I have been interested in researching more of. I don't know anything about the time period though; 1058-1111 A.D so this is all new and will be ALOT of research! 10 page History paper here I come >_>

The philosophy paper will either be a yes or no to the existance of the PKG God (All powerful, all knowing, all good God) or a yes or no to the existence of life after death (The soul, reincarnation and the like.) Not as much research as I just need two valid arguments in my favor by well known philosophers,and that is 6 pages; both papers being due November 18th.

And while this I will be having weekly Biology, Physcology tests and bi weekly Philosophy and History tests.

I am going to lose my mind...

And my arms, my carpal tunnel and arthritis is out to kill me with all the typing and note taking I am doing.
nathanialroyale: (Deviltoldmetoo)
So I have to actually give it my all this year as I barely got through last year, re-doing my first year of my bachelors. I need to do my upgrading as well as you don't figure you need math for physcology until suddenly you have to take a stats course.

So here goes, wont be posting much I don't think. Wish me luck, I really want my masters in Physcology so I can go on to help other Transexuals, it's my dream ^_____^
nathanialroyale: (Hope)
I love participating in these kinds of things but man do they get my anxiety going. I'm really not that much of a creator and I really get all worried that what I make wont be enough or what they want. Especially if given a really vague description. My recoloring skills are sub-par usually, and for re-textures it's mainly copy paste and fiddle...

So here is to hoping this thing wont kill my stomach from knots.



nathanialroyale: (Default)

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