nathanialroyale | Entries tagged with novels

Title: Unrepentant Hopes Chapter 4 (Novelization First Draft)
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes:

No paragraph indentations due to Dreamwidth limitations.

Please everyone, take a moment and give it a read and comment! Constructive Criticism only!

Four

Nathanael

I was terrified of the sky. I had only ever seen it through windows and it seemed endless like a sea one could drown in. I would lay in the sun of the window but face away from the outside so I would not have to look up into the sky. Due to this I laid like a cat, stretched out on a green fainting couch in front of the largest window in the cabin, drowsy and comfortable.

A day had passed since I learned that I was going to die. A day had passed since my father, grieved with my anger, chastised me. Anger was no emotion for a prince or a King to display, that was allowing the emotion to control you instead of you controlling it. I was not to show such feelings at my fate.

Today Drefan came home from a nearly yearlong trip north. I did not know why or how, but that he had gone north and came home. Why did he have to come back? It wasn’t that I disliked him, but the house was much more peaceful without him here. I could remember yelling and arguing at all hours of the night. I remembered Thom distraught one evening, coming to me, keeping me from going into the basement. I learned later from overhearing that Drefan had cut himself, deep this time, and had been bleeding in his room until his mother had bound the wounds.

But I shouldn’t think bad things about Drefan. His family was that much happier when he was around, especially Thom. I just didn’t understand why Drefan did the things he did. Why did he cut himself? Wouldn’t that just hurt and nothing more? What did he see in pain? What did he want from it?

I looked through the window at the Sovereign Guard who sat on the front porch steps. There were always at least two guards on duty at the cabin, but both of them stuck close to the front and back doors. Two from Royale, and two from Camar’a. The two from Camar’a were part of the Sovereign Guard, they protected the royal family and could be recognized by their uniforms. A gold, black, and aqua brocade coat over a gold and aqua vest beneath, layered over the aqua tights that slipped into black knee-high leather boots.

My eyes strayed to the kitchen which was the second door to my right. The kitchen knives were all held in a wooden holder. Standing, shaking, my blanket fell to my feet as I looked around our living room at the wooden furniture and coffee table. The walls were covered in small paintings of my ancestors. I walked into the kitchen, the un-shaded windows providing the only light. Taking a large knife from the holder, I curiously stared at it, and then my forearm.

Laying it against the skin of my lower left arm I chewed on my lip letting it slice. All thought left my body; I gasped a whine also escaping my lips, finding at that moment that I drew pleasure from pain. I found out later that my eyes would be blood-red as they are every time I experience pain. I could see nothing but a haze of red, but I could hear.

A knock at the front door.

Fumbling, the kitchen knife slid through my blood-soaked fingers to clatter to the kitchen floor. Blood sprayed from the blade over the tile as my eyes came into focus, to stare at what I had done. Then in slow motion, my eyes moved from the blade to the bubbling red froth upon my arm. It began to flow thick like syrup, rolling off my pale flesh to drop to the floor below.

Drip…Drip…Drip….

( More writing behind the Cut )

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Imminence - Desert Place

Title: Unrepentant Hopes Chapter 3 (Novelization First Draft)
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes:

No paragraph indentations due to Dreamwidth limitations.

Please everyone, take a moment and give it a read and comment! Constructive Criticism only!

Three

Drefan

I crumpled against the wall of the spiral staircase. Thank the Gods I was alone while I wheezed, a hand grasping at my tunic, right over my breast bone. The tightness in my chest was crippling as I sank onto the stone step. I couldn’t even manage the stairs without my lungs giving out on me? Was this from the dredge? From the opium? I had been gone for a little over a year and my time on the mat was the majority of those hours. I hung my head between my knees, coughing. I just needed time...

No one could see me like this. But if this was what would happen when I climbed a set of damned stairs… This body was starting to fail me, wasn’t it? But that was no one’s fault but my own. I wasn’t dying...was I? The door overhead opened and I surged to my feet. Hacking another cough I stuffed my hands back into my pockets. Taking on that uncaring demeanor that I was known for. No one was allowed to know how bad off I was. No one.

I acknowledged the servant that passed by with a quick bow of my head, the respectful greeting was given regardless of rank. This also afforded me the chance to keep my face concealed so any pain that was written on my features would not be seen. Coming to a stop at the higher exit to the stairs, I took in a deep whistling breath before stepping into another long hallway. Black Guards blended into the dark stone walls in measured intervals on both sides.

Ignoring everything but why I was even in this hallway, I knocked on the door to my brother’s bed-chamber. There was the scratch of a wooden chair on the floor before the door was opened and green eyes peered out at me. Seeing me for who I was, Thom fully opened the door with a smile and invited me in. But as soon as that door closed I was backed up against it and arms encircled my middle. I puffed out a startled breath, stiffening at first, not expecting Thom to immediately embrace me.

“Thom,” I managed before I was coughing again.

“You sound awful,” Thom began and his green eyes widened, “You sound as bad as Nate sounds!”

Hands pressed against my chest to hold me where I was and he leans his ear against me. There was no way to hide the wheezing and the tightness in my chest. Thom looked up at me with dawning horror in his eyes while his freckled cheeks lost their color.

“We have to talk to a healer!”

“No,” I grasped one of my brother’s hands in mine, “I don’t need any of this to get back to father. You know how much he hates weakness.”

“But-,” sorrow clouded those bright green eyes, “What if you die?!”

“It’s not that bad,” I lied as I needed time to figure out what I could do if it was as bad as that.

“How can you be so sure? You were away for months, smoking that stuff for so long. Who knows what it did to you! Dref, you can’t just brush me off like this. I saw you half-dead in the back of that cart. I won’t ever forget seeing that.”

“He has a point.”

I grabbed at the hands that held me to that door. If I was going to say anything else it was not going to be so easily heard by the Black Guards in the hallway. Thom released me now and I made for the bed. Sweeping a look at my brother’s room, it hardly looked lived in. The desk was the only spot that looked used, with stacked books on Royalian laws and discourse on top of various pieces of paper. So Thom was spending that much more time at the cabin, was he sleeping there too?

I settled on the edge of the bed, waiting for my brother to sit beside me.

“Nath’s gotten worse, hasn’t he?” Pivoting myself, our knees just touched.

Thom gave me a look at the change in conversation, but his shoulders let go and he crumbled beside me, “Yes…”

Shit.

Thom shakes his head hard and he takes in a deep breath, “I’m not stupid, I know you won't tell me why you left and that’s fine, but I am going to demand to know what’s wrong with you!”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes, I never could. I had promised when I first saw him in that cradle that I would protect him from whatever Robert threw at the both of us. I took my victories from the way that Thom could still smile like nothing in the world was wrong and how his eyes still lit up like rays of sunshine. I could not have failed him that badly then or so I told myself.

But I should never have gone into the deserts without him. I had promised to protect him and for the first time in my life, I had left him unprotected, for months. I had to hold myself back from asking if there was anything wrong with him. But father would have made Thom forget any hurtful words or grasping hands. Thom was his heir. The only way to know if anything untoward had happened was to demand to see any marks or new scars on him and such an order would come across as insane and invasive. So I stewed and I concentrated on what had Thom worried about in this present moment. My health, my well-being. Neither my father nor I deserved him.

( Continue Reading Chapter Three Here... )

Current Music: Five Finger Death Punch - I Refuse

Title: Dead end wishes [Book 1]
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes:

The abuser is dead.
But what does this mean for the family?
What does this mean for the Empire that he had ruled?
and why, oh why was everyone acting as if Robert had been a good man?

-

The headstone was simple, as the far more embellished one, fit for the King that Robert had been, was in the Royalian royal graveyard.

Thom held me in his arms, and I looked up at him, at his normally bright green eyes, now subdued. Even in his exhaustion and the pain of losing his father, Thom still tried to smile for me. Always. He was always strong for me.
“It will be alright Nate,” Thom whispered and it was not that he lied, for he believed what he said, but I could hear his sorrow. Thom had always been an optimist; he tried his hardest to always smile, so he could bring out the joy of others, too. My smiles are for you, Thom. It’s because of you that I smile still, years later. Even when I realize how alone I am now, your memories remain. You were always smiling, always tender, and you always called me that. Nate.

Thom pressed a kiss to my brow, looking back to the gravestone beneath the willow-tree. Prince Drefan turned away from both his family and my own, his hands clenched in fists by his sides. One of his arm’s swept out, summoning a portal of darkness right there, in front of my parents not caring about the consequences. He knew this was contested grounds, and that the Royalians were not to invoke the darkness in this meadow or take the chance of breaking the treaty between our two Empires. My father, King Peter made a move to angrily grab the Royalian Prince but missed. The sudden summoning of the Void startled the Camarian Queen, my mother, who stumbled back and away. In attempts to calm my father, my parent’s lover, Sir A’trious settled a hand on my father’s shoulder. But the venomous words were already out for all to hear, “Traitarous Warlock!”

It mattered little though, Drefan was already gone and the darkness was collapsing in on itself and dispersing. My eyes darted upward to my beloved and all I saw was hurt. Why did Drefan act this way?? Robert’s royal concubine and Drefan’s mother-Aidna wrapped her arms around us both as Thom was wracked with sobs. Do you not realize what you’re doing by pushing him away Drefan? By making Thom forget, he doesn’t understand what is going on any better than I do! You are going to be all alone…

~~~
“Tell Thom what your Father has been doing, now; show him the scars as proof. He will understand better, and then he won’t judge you Drefan!”

“If I did that he would change, Thom’s dislike of me would turn into hate for our father. I do not want him to have to remember what that son-of-a-bitch has been doing to us, do you not understand that?! He should not have to endure the nightmares I do-of the things that bastard has put us through! I’d rather Thom come to hate me if it leaves his ignorance intact. Regardless of what it costs me, he’s worth it. I promised him.”
~~~

I know that means I’m not allowed to tell him either…
But what else can I do?

I’m nine.
I’m sorry Drefan. I’m sorry Thom.
I wish I was older.

I wish I could understand.
I wish… I wish I could do more than this.
But I don’t know-how.

Current Mood: blah

As Mankind is bound to Time,

The Ellaern are bound to Fate.

So the descendants of the Two,

Will be fettered to them both.

~ The Vita.S (Book of Sacred Life)

Each individual Ellearn has a unique and incommensurable Destiny that determines their proper course in life. Having a Destiny meant that the Ellearn were bound to Fate, which decided one’s allotted years, and the extent of one’s lifespan. As with Destiny complete, the Ellearn begins to shimmer and finally, peacefully, passes on.

"Live following your Destiny, that essential nature deep within that is the will of Fate and your endpoint. Once yours or others decrees have been finished, rejoice as the life journey comes to a close."

To understand and act upon one’s Fate is the ultimate goal of an Ellearn’s life. Fate directs the individual towards Destiny and Ellearn philosophy fills them with the joy of accomplishing what they were meant to accomplish. Each individual Destiny cherished and cultivated to conform to the decree of one’s personal Destiny preserves each person’s authentic singularity (and individuality.) “For nothing is as good as bringing about what has been decreed by the Divine, for what Fate has decreed is called nature and nothing is as good as realizing one’s Destiny and seeing it through.”

To love one’s Fate is to accept it and relish in it, yet this outlook should not be mistaken for fatalism. To the Ellearn it is very important to reject fatalism. There should be a joyous acceptance of the singular Fate that makes each Ellearn a unique individual. This joy is born from the fact that there is wiggle room within the bounds of Fate, as Fate is open to the full scope of people’s strategy and ingenuity in maneuvering through one's Fated span.

There should be no resignation in the heart of an Ellearn, only a sense of welcomed certainly for what is to come. One should actively engage in the future, not just resign yourself to what is to come. The possibility of knowing Fate meant that one should bring it to fruition through active participation and effort, cultivating one's Fated span.

The goal of such a view was to force the Ellearn to focus on the important things they could control such as cultivating their own and their families destinies whilst avoiding, thinking upon those things they could not control. These uncontrollable things would be wealth, life-span and societal position (class) as these are dictated by others so they should not be concerned with. This philosophy was a wish to change the Ellearn people’s views of what is and is not important, and to redirect people’s energy and efforts from those external concerns to the important internal concerns (family and the self.)

Those who resent their Fate cannot change it, they will simply not learn from their experiences, and will only have a hardening heart. "To attempt to destroy the natural outcome of one or another’s fate will end in disastrous results, and those who do not follow their destinies distort their heart and ruin many lives."

Fate is a duty; it is purpose and inevitability of the change in the Universe. "We may regard the present state of the Universe as the effect of its past and the cause of its future." All Destinies are linked through patterns in the stars and tied then to astrology. Fate is seen as a decree by the Gods, giving oneself an opportunity to tie themselves through their Destiny to the Destiny of the world itself.

What is Destined is under the control of Fate and there are no ethical calculations involved. “As our Destiny is out of our hands, an Ellearn should never be judged upon his Fate.”

Fate from the viewpoint of those it affects is either normative or destructive, and one works as best as they can within its bounds to correct it, but must ultimately understand that Fate is more powerful than we and as pieces upon the Divine board we simply play our parts.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Flechette x I Am Un Chien - Come Back (Feat. JRF)

Nathanael has a background of the acceptance of fate as the Ellearn all have destinies. In this way, he is no more special than the rest of his ancestors and for this reason, the idea of accepting his own demise is normalcy. Drefan, who was his biggest influence as a child, is human and comes from a background that says, ‘Fuck Fate’ (though this would change in Drefan’s later life,) and this duality leaves Nath pretty confused. With his masochism being why Nathanael is called a monster by his father in a conversation the child eavesdropped on Nathanael clings to his own fatalistic and self-hating tendencies in his resignation of what is to come. ‘I deserve this. I’m just a monster; perhaps through this fate, I will be redeemed.’ Martyrdom.

However, this outlook is actually incorrect even to the Ellearn, this fate bound species do not believe in simply laying back and allowing fate to do what it will. Ellearn philosophy states that you work with fate, that you strive to fulfill your destiny, but in a manner that is correct to yourself. This allows fulfillment of not only the Gods plans but your own within that fated framework.

This comes to be understood by Nathanael, at last, toward the end of his seventeenth year. The Prince begins to understand that yes, there is give and take within his fate. He must defeat Drefan, yes, that is his destiny, but Reinn wants him to kill Drefan. Yet, destiny only says 'Defeat’ so Nathanael can choose to save Drefan instead. His acceptance of his fate morphs in and of itself alongside his own character growth. He evolves, at first he is a child who resigns himself to terrible comings because he believes he has no right to stop what is coming. Nath becomes a young person who says, 'I will play your game, but I will play it by my rules. Even if you win, I will have no regrets that I pushed, and I strived and I did everything in my power to make this fate, right.’

Nathanael would go on to play to his own strengths, unwilling to give up his scruples to fulfill destiny. He knows that destiny must be completed, so he says, 'Even if I go about this a bit unorthodox, fate will be fulfilled.’ So the adolescent takes oaths before the Gods to protect him. An oath of Non-violence and Peace to the God of Death so he will not add to those entering Death’s Halls. Alongside this, he takes a vow of Poverty before the Goddess of Compassion swearing to take no material gain and to give to others all that he receives. The Gods grant him their divine protection and even with no armor, arrows do not bite and weapons break upon impact with his skin.

As a Death Dweller, he comes to accept his death not only fatalistically, but as an abstract concept. Meditating on mortality, the mysteries of death and dying and his anxieties and fear of his own death slowly evaporate. His act of throwing himself before his comrades to take incoming blows is no longer only an act of fatalism but out of an understanding that it is not yet their time to die. As Nathanael embraces the concepts of death and dying he will allow himself to die without a fight at his allotted time.

But when he falls in a battle that once during book two, he stands before the God of Death and holds his ground. He holds a respectful tone but asks to be allowed back not for himself, but for his Guardians, his friends, and the Kingdom he will rule. Nathanael promises that when fate will take him, he will come, no matter what. Sjel’Nnharma who was once mortal says nothing but bows to the adolescent, sending him back to his companions as the Prophet of Death. Nath has fully accepted his impending death and been given additional lives until that day. Able to die and rise again multiple times so that he will live until fate demands his end.

The Prince regains the throne, and time passes. He would become the parent to three. With the mind of a parent now, Nathanael becomes angry at the thought of his final death as he is now leaving his young children behind. For the first time since the opening chapter of book one Nathanael shows his anger at his fate. But here his anger, in the few months before his final death, is not for his sake, no, but for his children. It is for his kingdom that lies, still, in ruins and needs a King.

But he made a promise and he will keep it. He won’t fight his fate, yet that anger remains. As the twenty-one-year-old gasps for breath with fluid-filled lungs, dying in his love’s arms, both he and his lover cry bitter tears. He realizes, almost blind from the tuberculous that he is allowed, after all those years of adherence to a script that would end with his drawn out and painful death by disease, to think that, 'You know what? I didn’t actually deserve this at all…’

and he dies.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Iverson - Metline Blues

I have had prior novel events written for the Camarian Royal family for years as Camara has been far easier for me to flesh out. Well now it's time to suck it up and do the Royalian Royal family. So I started this, however, this post only goes to 3968 so it is part 1 of 3. 3992 is the opening year of my novels and where this well eventually end. This ends up being way more detailed then Nath's family...

This is Drefan’s family history.

---

Emperor Taj Royale was Drefan’s Great Grandfather.

Empress Consort Galina Royale was Drefan’s Great Grandmother.

Prince of Second Rank Talkran Royale is Drefan’s Great Uncle.

Prince of the Second Rank Ademar Royale was Drefan’s Great Uncle.

Emperor Stanislas Royale was Drefan’s Grandfather

Empress Consort Maral Royale was Drefan’s Grandmother.

Emperor Robert Royale is Drefan & Thom’s Father.

Princess of the First Rank Cermaka Royale was Drefan and Thom’s Aunt.

3189-3357 The Age of Spirits:

3315 – Talkran Royale is born to Emperor Taj as a Prince of the Second Rank, the child of an Imperial Concubine, with little chance at the throne.

3319 – Ademar Royale is born to Emperor Taj as a Prince of the Second Rank, the child of an Imperial Concubine, with little chance at the throne.

3324 – Stanislas Royale is born to Emperor Taj and Empress Consort Galina as Heir Son to the Royale throne, garnering an instant dislike by his two elder, but un-inheritable, brothers.

3332 – It has been 8 years of Talkran and Ademar mistreating their brother, from denying him food to purposefully leaving him in the cold. His royal parents have yet to notice this behavior, too busy ruling.

3334 – A ten year old Stanislas, realizing that he must largely fend for himself against his brothers begins to have some of the servants teach him a much less honorable form of hand to hand combat then the swords play he is learning from the Palace’s Black Guards.

3336 – After another four years of abuse that has escalated to various attempts at murder of the Heir Son Stanislas, Talkran allows Ademar, Prince of the Second Rank, and his younger sibling to take the fall for their joint deeds. Talkran watches from the royal booth as his brother is executed for treason.

3340 – Talkran attempts to discredit his brother Stanislas who appears to have not inherited the Imperial line of necromantic arts. This does concern the provinces, whose people worried that the Heir was not as bound to the Divine of Darkness, Honor and Undead as Talkran is. Defamed by this Stanislas must prove himself to the people and peerage.

3341 – The grave of Prince Ademar, which was instated in the royal cemetery, is found to have been robbed, and a rash of city graves have been dug up.

3342 – Stanislas has taken it upon himself to finish his training with the Imperial Black Guards and has successfully passed the Exams of Merit that both officials and ministers must excel at to become peerage. He is the first Emperor to have done so.

Summer of 3343 – The first flesh sewn body is seen following Prince Talkran in the bowels of the Imperial Palace. Rumors begin to circulate through the palace that one of the dead look like the middle prince, and Talkran becomes known as a 'Fleshweaver.'

Winter of 3343 – Emperor Taj wishing to retire at 53, seats his heir in the Black Throne where Stanislas immediately forms the ‘Devotion’ with the Royalian people, and this act ceases talk that the Heir is not bound with Lord Nanqa. Forming the Devotion is a requirement to rule the Imperial Royalian Empire and to form this mental connection with every Royalian with an embedded crystal, the heir must be of the Fallen Arch-Angel Taedras’s blood. Without this bond, consolidating power of the Empire is near impossible.

3344 – Emperor Stanislas marries a Barazon woman of peerage, Maral.

3^rd month of 3347 – Prince Talkran finalizes his plans, and gains the power to transform himself into a lich. He does not, however, let it be known he is now undead, and uses illusion spells to keep his human or living appearance.

5^th month of 3347 – No longer afraid of any or all repercussions, Talkran murders his father once-Emperor Taj in cold blood, before vanishing the body. His laboratory and prison in the lower levels are ripped apart in efforts to find the Emperor's remains, but they cannot be found. Emperor Stanislas enraged in grief for his father and the possible desecration of the Prior Emperor’s corpse heads a military manhunt for his elder brother.

6^th month of 3347 – Talkran is at last apprehended, and according to Palace records, found guilty of murder, treason, and grave robbing. Emperor Stanislas would attempt, and fail to execute Talkran by the following methods: bathing him in acid, burning him at the stake, and finally dismembering him. The lich was known to crow with laughter during his death, and return from the dead-flesh rebound and laughing once again within weeks. It takes the threat of the Fallen Arch Angel, Taedras to banish the lich from Royale for good.

12^th month of 3347 – The royal couple have their first child Daegal Royale, and with each Imperial first child it is the ‘Imperial Sacrifice.’ He is named shortly before the newborn’s spirit is returned to the Amaranthine River. This is done by each Emperor in, “Royal subordination of the Heart in servitude to the Royalian People and the Lord of Darkness, Nanqa.” A physical and painful display of the royal family’s loyalty, duty and honor to a people who would return said loyalty by offering their lives and undeaths in battle for the Empire.

3348 – Emperor Stanislas makes the decision to have no concubines, which is abnormal for the reigning Emperor. He does this however to ascertain all of his children will be with his Empress and hopefully lessen the possibility of violent infighting between his children due to his own awful childhood with his half-brothers.

3351 – Robert Royale is born to Empress Consort Maral, as Heir Son to the Royale throne.

3353 – Emperor Stanislas Royale heads a contingent of Black Guard in quelling rebellion among the Vivassians swiftly.

3355 – Cermaka Royale, the Imperial couple’s only daughter and Princess of the First Rank is born. Empress Maral was a distant mother figure, finding it difficult to show any emotion towards her children due to her inflexible attitude toward her royal position. This stifled maternal affections, and it was only her daughter that she genuinely enjoyed.

3357 – Emperor Stanislas takes Imperial Black Guard forces into the south-eastern province of Hlukhiv to assist in pushing back Danu raiders from beyond the southern mountains that were pillaging Eolin towns. So impressed is he with the military excellence of the Black Guard that he requests that the Commander of the Black Guard personally instruct the heir when Robert is of age to live among them at the Citadel.

-------------

3357-3368 The Age of Lilies:

7^th month of 3359 – Princess Cermaka dies of Pneumonia at 4 years of age devastating her parents and prompting the Empress to publicly retire to her family’s estates in the province of DormuKai. She is only seen after this during the yearly Royal bloodletting ritual for good harvests. Robert is only 8 when he loses his beloved sister and he is hidden from the public by his father for his breakdown. He learns early that such shows of emotion are unseemly among royalty as he is now left alone with only his Father at the Castle.

10^th month of 3359 – The Dirian War begins for the Holy Camarian Empire with the northern desert lands. For the first time a treaty for peace is written between the two Empires who have off and on warred for three millennia. Emperor Stanislas is deep in personal grief and agrees to the twenty-five year terms headed by crowned Sovereign Joscelin I of Camara.

3360 – Stanislas refuses his Ministers once again on the matter of taking concubines and will not divorce his wife who he understands wishes to have no more children. The Emperor remains alone, not bothering his wife’s privacy. The Royalian common admires him for remaining faithful to his wife regardless. Unfortunately, the loss of his daughter and his wife’s withdrawal makes the Emperor that much colder, distant and strict to his heir and son Robert.

3361 – Robert has been set to a strict regimen of lessons pertaining to the eventual taking of the Merit Exams since his sister’s death. This has been in effort to curb the child’s sullenness and fickle temper that has reared its head since Prince Cermaka’s death. ‘Where sadness is unacceptable there only remains fury as an emotional response to loss.’

3363 – At twelve Robert has not inherited the Royale line’s necromantic powers and Stanislas relocates his heir to the Black Guard citadel where Robert will live among those who have returned as Undead to serve the Empire. The Undead Black Guards will drill him on The Veziput Code, swordsmanship and military discipline alongside his Imperial history and Nanqaian theology.

Early 3368 – The Heir Apparent Robert Royale takes the Merit Exams during his 16^th year and excels. His father Emperor Stanislas calls him back to the Imperial Palace at this time to begin to teach him how to run the Empire. The Prince has a reputation among the people as being a studious, dutiful, well composed royal who takes his responsibilities to the Empire as seriously as his Father does.

Mid 3368 – Emperor Stanislas holds a formal ball at the Imperial Palace where the eldest unmarried daughter of each Minister in the main 6 provinces will be presented to the heir. He would dance with each one of them and spend time speaking to them that night before making his decision on which he will court. Lady Lucina of the province of DormuKai, a fellow Barazon is chosen by Heir Prince Robert Royale. A softer side of the royal is seen when he is with her, however per noble tradition they will not wed or be intimate until Robert ascends the throne.

Late 3368 – Emperor Stanislas imparts an important piece of wisdom to his son in regards to the Royalian throne, “To be an Emperor is to be an actor. Never show weakness or else someone stronger will try to take everything from you. They will deem you unfit to rule the Empire, and if you do make that mistake, use the Devotion to undo your indiscretion. The people will know no better…”

(The Devotion or ‘The Kiss of God’ is a mental connection that has kept the people safe from Camarian magics that could have potentially brain washed them. It helped the people see through illusions, glamours, charms and other such tricks. It could also be used by Emperors for less than noble reasons. It could be used to make subjects forget any and all transgressions in the fixing of memories and could also be quite suggestive or manipulative of choices made.)

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Nothing More - Here's to the Heartache

This rambling stemmed from a discussion on how readers often sympathize with Villains who have either a sad or traumatic past or a past where they could have chosen to be good men even though they ended up being bad ones.

Of course, Snape was a center piece to other peoples discussion of this topic so I mention him at the end.

-
Preface:

I’m writing my novels from two points of view, that of the characters considered the protagonist and antagonist, chronicling the protagonist’s short, gravely ill, life. Nathanael is altruistic, compassionate and forgiving. Drefan is self-destructive, rageful and biting.

...

Drefan my antagonist has a (to put it very lightly) shitty life and goes through hell before his mind snaps and he uses the necromantic powers he has inherited as well as the powers of his God to take revenge on the world :/ I do this because I want to know his story, where he was and what brought him to today. I want him to rage at his life and its unfairness, to curse the Gods and himself. Yet Drefan never once asks for sympathy because he sees it as pity and he’s too strong for that.

He refuses to allow himself to feel shame for what he has done after he regains himself and sees that his undead have butchered millions. He realizes if he starts on himself with guilt and shame that he will likely lose his mind again. He won’t ask for forgiveness because he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Drefan surrounds himself, on purpose, with those who remind him of his sins so he won’t forget because there are those who do forgive him regardless of his crimes.

I don’t really want to tell his story as a means of garnering sympathy for him, it would honestly piss him off I did so. Redemption isn’t something he is asking for, he hates that it is Nathanael’s forgiveness which is the last piece that finishes rebuilding his mind.(While this was happening others were piecing his mind back together so this ‘healing’’ does not actually depend as deeply on the boy’s forgiveness as Drefan is lead to believe and the reader knows this.)

He calls Nath weak and foolish for the forgiveness, walking out on the teen almost immediately afterward although Nathanael forgiving Drefan was the focus of the protagonist’s journey. Drefan remains angry and bitter, filled with rage at himself and the world and isolates himself in his own personal hell once he realizes what he has done. But he won’t ever say he is sorry because what difference would that make? Honestly? It won’t bring back the dead.

By the definition of Redemption by Webster I never give him that. It takes him until he’s 50 years old, 20 years post novels to let go of the past and the abuse that saw his mind break to pieces. Even then, stepping out of the palace confronts Drefan with what he has done when he sees the black roses that grow in the cracks of the cobblestone streets. Each of those black roses is a person he had a hand in killing, and the Capitol city is filled with them.

Redemption is atonement for guilt, to atone for faults or mistakes. What the hell could you possibly do to make up for the deaths of over 5,585,627 of your own people? Or of over 7,383,635 people worldwide? Nothing.

~~If anything it pisses off Drefan and confounds him when anyone forgives him for the Scourge War. He tends to think their simpletons for it (like wtf?)…heh~~

I don’t think a villain needs to redeemed, I don’t think a character’s past is only told for the sake of sympathy. I want to better understand each character, their motivations, and their pain. But understanding does not have to equal forgiveness.

On the topic of Snape, I could understand his past and still see his later choices as wrong ones. I could find him an intriguing character, feel sad for when he died yet still wish he had been a better man while knowing that he was not. Snape was a bitter and at times vile man whose choices made him who he was. The redemption of villains does not make them interesting characters in and of itself. Some characters, as was previously mentioned, may forgive the villain and many others won’t, much like the readers.

That to me is the most realistic outcome.

(And I know those numbers were like really fucking specific, I have done the math for war causalities and those were what I came up with. He killed over 50% of his own people and over 30% of the people of the opposing Empire. Dude done fucked up.)

-

Finally after 15 years of working on these two books (jesu?!) I have working titles!!

Book 1: Unrepentant Hopes

Book 2: Unrepentant Dreams

YAAAAAY

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Highly Suspect - My Name Is Human

The etymology of the word Monster reveals but one rather simple definition. According to Cohen, monster “derives from the Latin monstrum, a divine portent, usually of misfortune. Augustine [ … ] thought the Latin noun to stem from monstrare, ’to show’ ; Isidore of Seville [ … ] glossed monstrum as contra naturam and connected it to monere, ’to warn”’ (“Use” 48). Classicist Catherine Atherton slightly expands on monstrum, noting that “one of the traditional roles played by monsters-as the standard etymology of the Latin monstrum indicates-is to signal or presage event or advent, even more terrifying or violently destructive than the monster itself’ (vii). Thus, the monster is that which demonstrates or warns that something has gone-or is going to go-awry.

~ Monsters We Become: The Development of the Inhuman Narrative Voice.

-

The scene in which Nathanael heard his Father call him a Monster and an AU What If? Scene in which Nathanael confronts his Mother about his Father calling him a Monster.

"Yet something has to be done."
Leaning against his parent's door, Nathanael's ear is pressed against it to hear better the conversation taking place within.
"The council is becoming restless; politics are keeping us away more often. Who will care for him?"
"Thom is here, he will do his duty as his husband to look after him, it cannot be helped we are away so much Elaina."
"Yes with Thom he will be alright but...Can-," a moment's silence, "Can we really trust him around Drefan? What if Drefan hurts him again? I do not know if he would tell us." My mother’s voice held soft doubt.
"What could you possibly mean; he would, of course, tell us if he was in pain. Have we ever given him a reason not to believe he could?"
"Nay of course not but this is something else entirely. Earlier when I was cleaning his wounds I found a cut down his left arm, a cut that could only have been self-inflicted. His other wounds were nothing like this from Drefan."
"Our son is a cutter? Nathanael knows that he will lose the light of his spirit to such...perverse practices. He must realize without the light of soul he is only a shell, a..a Monster."
...I am?
A Monster...

-

"A Monster."
"You..heard Peter say that?" Elaina whispers to her only child, her hands reaching out toward the nine-year-old.
There is only silence as Nathanael's eyes fall to the floor.
The Queen gathers the boy into her embrace, "Sometimes those we love say things because they are afraid."
The Prince's eyes are filled with tears at his own anger, willing himself to banish the vile emotions he was taught he should not feel. He looks up to his mother trying to hide how upset he was,"What have I done? I hurt no-no one but me! He's my father, he shouldn't be afraid of me!"
"He's not afraid of you Nathanael, he's afraid for you."
As though that simple difference made the pain any less deep.

As Cawson, Andriano, and Cohen note, acknowledgement of the monster is a necessary step in human development because in all ways it is human... Thus, a society must transcend the limitations of the past by discovering ways to include the unique until, ultimately, everything that is inherently human can be acknowledged and incorporated, including those aspects we often attribute to the monstrous in a misdirected attempt to exorcise ourselves of sin and imperfection. Monsters are the way to this transcendence.

~ Monsters We Become: The Development of the Inhuman Narrative Voice.

Current Mood: tired

Title: Anoush, Child Avatar of Nanqa
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes/Warnings:

20+ years past the events of the novels, the Lord of Darkness has had his soul be born in the body of a girl child, and has grown up with her. He has done so in his wish to understand his peoples, and to live as they have. [Also, the Lord's enemies would never think he would take the form of a child, as such a form is powerless...is it not?]

Warnings:Battle scene
Main Character/s: Anoush, Varteres (Anoush's Father,) and Lord Nanqa, God of Darkness/Honor/Undead.
Plot: Uncontrolled undead, remnant of the Scourge war many years ago, attack a small village in Royale. As the guards are losing, this little girl takes the chance to make the difference.
Location: The Village of Taschair, Imperial Royalian Empire.

-

The Master-less undead had attacked the gates of the small town of Taschair. Overwhelmed, many guardsmen had died, and those still standing had suffered tremendous damage from both, teeth, claw, and magic.

Breaking into a run, escaping the confines of her father’s embrace, the little girl moved un-noticed toward the fray. A guardsman’s agonized scream as his arm was torn to shreds had been the last that she could take to hear. Tiny feet made little noise as found herself at the battle’s center. Throwing herself to the ground at the feet of the most powerful of the undead, her voice broke upon the syllables of the incantation.

Barely heard above the den of the clash, blood began to run from the child’s nose as she sank into the mud in her ribbons and dress. It was the rain that had begun to fall that brought the fight to a stuttering stop, slowly petering, a hiss filling the air. Like acid, the divine rainwater hit the flesh of the undead, steam escaping into the skies with their screams of agony. Flesh began to disintegrate from the effects of the spell, trapping the monsters where they stood.

The rain washed the living with healing magics, wrapping about those alive and those dead. That same purple luminescence picked up the dead from the ground, suspending them as it flashed through the layers of dress before settling them back upon their feet. All of those who had died, awoke, their eyes popping open, and lips gasping upon their first, returned breaths.

Around a man’s destroyed arm, the purple light encased the flesh, and filled the terrible wound, reforming bones and muscle, nerve and tissue. It was not pretty, nor was it painless, and the act blacked out the man who had a sheer scream upon his lips.

Nothing was left in this muddy field to mark that the undead had ever been there, and the newly living starred, in such a mixture of awe, and terror at the realization of their second chances. The earth around them seeped of blood, gorging upon this feast that would strengthen it in the years to come. But that purple luminescence had not left, it wafted like fog about this place, a substance known for its Resurrection of the loyal dead.

Yet, lastly laying there at the heart of all of this was its propagator. The father had run after her, but had been pushed back by the power, like a wall of force he could not push through. But here, now, on her front in the blood was the little girl in her pink dress, her hair still done up in it’s matching ribbons. He falls to his knees by her side, gathering her bloodied form into his embrace, crushing Anoush to him as he heard her faltering, but living breaths. No more then seven, her face had been half hidden in the bloodied ground, stigmatized by her Dark God so the battle could be won.

The Avatar of Lord Nanqa, lived another day, but would need many to recover, and shakily, the village Butcher presses a kiss to her bloodied brow. Up now, he makes his way back toward the village, wishing to spirit her away to some semblance of safety. It does not surprise him, however, when, later, the many guardsman come to his home. No, they know now who, and what this seemingly ordinary little girl is, and all he can do is be by his daughter’s side as they kneel before her bed. Their heads touch the floor in reverence, and Nanqa’s name is a litany, her own only following long after. To the people, to this world, his daughter is Nanqa incarnate, and because of this he will always wonder, would anyone ever see her as his little girl?

Anoush, the child who loves to learn, the girl who tells him not to be afraid when she does something reckless. Who also, tells him to always trust in their Lord, and gives him the brightest, and biggest smiles. Oh, this child may indeed hold the soul of a powerful God within her, but she is still her mother’s daughter, and will always be her father’s, everything.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Rasmus - I'm A Mess

Tear Tarnished Angel

Musings

[novels] unrepentant hopes chapter 4 - first draft

[novels] unrepentant hopes chapter 3 - first draft

[Novel Drabble: Dead end wishes

[Novels] World Building - Destiny and Fate

[Novels] Nathanael’s acceptance of Fate/Destiny and Death

[Novels] World Building - Royalian Prior Book Events Pt.1/3

[novels] Ramblings on the Redemption of 'Villains' and possible names for my books?!

[Novel Work] 'The Child is a Monster' Says the Father into the Night

[Novel Drabble] Anoush, Child Avatar of Lord Nanqa

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