Tear Tarnished Angel

Drefan, you tried to set me free and I do thank you and I know you did it the only way you knew how. You live what you learn you once said long ago. There is truth and lie to such a statement. You live what you have learned and wish to teach. To love and never have hated is to never have felt true passion; I think I am realizing that now. All emotions are flips of a coin, heads and tails, darkness and light.

I can feel hate, I used to deny it, I used to wonder why I couldn’t feel it. But that was not true, I can, but I have blocked it out, deep in my heart. But what has that done for me all this time? I tried to block out anger as well, and it has taken all this time, the loss and the abuse to realize that both emotions are only just that, emotions like the rest.  I thank you Drefan for what you did for me but I hate you all the same. I am angry at you for the years of my life you stole from me, the hopes and dreams you shattered because you had none yourself. You tried to destroy me, but you made me stronger. You tainted and liberated me. I thank you…and I hate you.

I am growing up, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m learning to love myself; I am an altruist, and a masochist. I may have been a monster, but now I am Damion’s angel. I was a broken china doll, but now I am someone’s salvation, their hopes and their dreams. I am looking to the future now not the past; I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself now. I never realized by hating myself how much I was hurting people who loved me. I am sorry. I’m a hypocrite, wishing to not burden others, and to hurt them. I always ended up blaming myself, but I just didn’t want to blame other people, I did not want to hurt or sadden others.  

But the greatest pain is to see someone you love never forgive themselves, to believe themselves undeserving. I will stop hating myself and hurting others through that self deprecation. I will try to forgive myself for the things in my life I cannot change; I will try to love myself through all the pain and all the sadness. I will love, I will hate, I will cry and I will scream; I want to be whole. Like some  scattered puzzle I will find all of my wayward pieces so you, my love, can help me put myself together again. I want to be worthy and I know that I need to find myself worthy first.

Damion? Will you wait for me? I’m still learning even as I am dying, and I may fail… But what is important is trying right? So I will try. For Drefan who is my past, for Damion my present and for my son who is my future and at last…Myself too.

I will try.

- Nathanial Peter Quele Royale

I finally simmified Damion Ante at last and redid Nathy! *Flails*






And recolored one of Yuxi's beautiful Advent gifts :D

Sexy man :P

Title: Love is never gentle, and Grief gives way to Hate.
Prompt: Grief
Rating: (Heavy PG-13)
Content Notes/Warnings: Ending of the First Novel, The Tragedy ends in a catastrophe and the scene that changed everything, for love can destroy far easier than it can create, and grief is but a precursor to hate.

Nathanial is of Reinn Anon (God of light's) blood line, Drefan and Thom are of Nanqa (God of darkness') bloodline. Naik'lea is the Goddess of Suffering.

Warnings: Death, Violence, Blood.

Main Character/s: Nathanial Peter Quele Royale, Thom Antsrev Royale, Drefan Robert Royale, Sir. Atrious
Plot: Drefan’s personification of his hopes and dreams dies, madness quickly follows, the Royal court is massacred and so begins the Age of Darkness.
Location: illander castle, illander city.


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The Last Entry in the Journal

(There are small bloody fingerprints like those of a child on this entry, smeared by what looks to be the remnants of tears)



It is my tenth year.

And I am kneeling now by my beloved’s side, my husband sense the day of my birth, 6 years older then I and always smiling. Optimistic and sweet, kind and gentle, light among the darkness, he was my opposite Thom was. I was darkness born of a bloodline of light; he was light born of a bloodline of darkness. I am on the right side of the bed, Drefan on his left. There were chairs but that didn’t matter, we both knelt. We each held one of Thom’s hands in ours clasping the withered fingers, his body so gaunt now, and he coughed. He coughed blood. Like me. It was disease, Thom was dying of disease, and I knew, I knew it in my heart it was the disease Korian died of. Contagion, a necromantic spell that inflicts a disease on the target and the target had been Korian...So Thom was just a causality. He had to be, Drefan would never mean the death of his brother, I knew Thom was everything to the both of us.

Drefan’s hands grasp Thom’s left hand as tightly as I grasped Thom’s right and Drefan starred into the greying green orbs, so tired and nearly lost to us now. The infirmary in the castle was empty except for us, the clerics had cleared out, as there was nothing they could do for him now. They had left us to be with him in his final moments and I leaned down to Thom’s cheek and I nosed it. His eyes moved to me and I smiled for him and I whispered, “The Arch Angel Azreal will come and pick you up and bring you to a place where you can sleep for a long time. Where you won’t hurt anymore and you will have an easier time breathing.” I mimicked his voice as I relayed his words perfectly from my eidetic memory, of when Thom explained of death to me. It seemed so long ago, but it was only three years ago that I learned I would die young. And yet in the end, I lived as Thom died, was this a punishment for my sins?

( More Writing Inside )

Title: Radiance of the Coming Dawn
Prompt: Back Story/Missing Scene
Rating: (Heavy PG-13)
Content Notes/Warnings: Nathanial’s meeting with his first companion and Guardian, the Half Angel Elhannen ap'Eibhlhin.
Warnings: Mentions of Past Child Abuse, Masochism.

Reinn Anon is the God of light and Angels, Nanqa is the God of Darkness and chaos.

Main Character/s: Nathanial Peter Quele Royale, Elhannen ap'Eibhlhin
Plot: Nathanial’s meeting with his first companion and Guardian, the Half Angel Elhannen ap'Eibhlhin.
Location: Vaen Thyl (Border Forest, Far south)

--

You woke to me. The attack had come deep within the night, when you thought yourself safe by the fire you had by your side. But it was that, that had attracted to them to you. It was your heritage, your aura of purity within a forest that was carved from hell. All I could do was watch as the Ancient vampire and his childer attacked you in the dead of night, watch as they tore you apart before my eyes. I am missing something vital, a part of me is gone and it’s been gone for so long now. But I could not leave you like that, no... If I did that I was not meant for this world, so I had stepped forward and used the powers that burned my skin that scarred my hands, and blinded me. Light. Even with all the taint eroding my mind, my heart and my soul, as it leeches the strength from my lungs I could still summon Reinn Anon’s light to me. I had pushed it out from me, a rolling fog taking the glade, a barrier erecting itself to safe guard you. The Vampires hissed and escaped, ran back into the darkness of the forest, where you did not belong.

I spent three days bringing you back from the brink. I had to remove your armor and most of your clothes, and I saw things not meant for my eyes. The hollows, dips and white line scars that you tried to hide, you are ashamed, you are vain. I did not know your name as I worked tirelessly over you, but I knew what you were. I ran fingers down the blood red feathers, feeling the fluff beneath my fingertips. Blood red, no particular deity had such color of wings for their angels. You were pure, you were light, but I could sense it in you, running through your veins, crawling under your skin. You had the taint to. It called to me, like a brother, and I knew you were ashamed, like me. We both were meant to be of light, but you fought harder than me, I could tell.

( Rest of Story Inside )

I haven't really been writing recently, Seasonal depression kind of eats my muses alive >.>

Soooo instead of a drabble or short story I give random snippet of a Role Play that had me chuckling.


Vincent was at the castle to see Nathanial my Novel protagonist who in the events of the role play mentally and physically aged past 14 to 17 which in novel canon will never happen as he dies at 14 but in this role play was brought back to life. Sir.Rapheal is Nathanial's King's Guard, his most loyal man. This scene was the sight Vincent ended up coming upon in the castle.



The King was in formal attire, a frock coat, white tights and black leather heeled boots, the frock coat was black with silver engravings and intricate patterns on it.

"Rapheal?" Nathanial's deeper voice spoke up and there was a chuckle from behind him.

The King had a black silk blind fold wrapped about so he could not see his hands out before him; Rapheal leading him.

"You know I'm one for bondage and all its practical purposes but I never took you for that kind of man."

A deep laugh left Rapheal,"Their is much about me you don't know."

Nathan laughed showing his teeth still stumbling along. "Really now, are you trying to bash me into a wall?"

Rapheal grabbed onto him a bit better. "Not precisely you’re Majesty."

"Well you’re doing a fine job of it anyways!"

Title: Prophetic Roads
Prompt: Reunion
Rating: (R?)
Content Notes/Warnings: 5 years sense Nathanial had seen his sister, something’s have changed. ~Blah.~ is telepathy.
Warnings: Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Under Age Love, Mentions of Cannibalism. Mentions of past Child Abuse, Mentions of past Torture.

Main Character/s: Nathanial Peter Quele Royale, Nilec Quele, Elhannan ap’Eibhlhin, Mentions of James Red Rose Quele Cross.
Plot: 5 years sense Nathanial had seen his sister, something’s have changed.
Location: The Palace of Dire Cry City in the Kingdom of Dire Cry.



Dire Cry had always been a wasteland of rock and sand as far back as Nathanial had read of it. The land had been where Cama’ra exiled their treasonous, murderers and rapists in a wish to not execute. A harsh land, a terrible people, and the mountains had been sealed long ago by the Gods to separate the Kingdoms. But over five hundred years ago the mountain pass had re-opened; somehow the people had managed to stake out a living upon nothing and were harsher now than they ever were before.

Wars had raged over water, tribes killing each other for the oasis’s that were so sacred in a land that hardly ever rained. Peace had been brokered many times but to no avail, war continued, and the tribes had finally been united under the strongest. The strongest ruled, as soon as the last King was weak another would kill him and take his place. It was near anarchy, rarely lasted longer than five years but James had managed to hold on with an iron fist for that long now. No human was stronger than a vampire and with his Druidic wife watching his body as he slept the daylight hours away they were unstoppable. Elf and Vampire married and ruling over humans, it was unthinkable but Nilec had succeeded as she had told him she would when he was small.

The land was dying though; Nathanial could feel it beneath his leather booted feet as he walked through the Capitol. The land was wasting, the people were desperate, Elhannan was sucking in breath through his teeth, his red feathered wings ruffling as he steered his eyes away from alleyways.

( Story Inside! )

Title: When I Die...Lay Your Head Down, But Go On
Prompt: Crying
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes/Warnings:First Person p.o.v. This is actually the last scene from my novels, the death of my young protagonist. However this is from Nathanial's p.o.v in the books, so I thought to do the opposite by doing Damion's for this short fic.
Character Death, Under age love.

Main Character/s: Damion Ante, Nathanial Peter Quele Royale

Plot: Nathanial as Destined two days after his 16th birthday is to die.

Location: The Gardens of illander Castle, Capitol of Camar'a.
 

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"Promise me, Swear to me, no-no one will mourn, no one will cry when I die. Sa-say it! Pl-please!"

"I...promise...my angel..."


( Story Inside )