[Life] Boredom and Anxiety -I'm going back on Meds

[nathanialroyale]

I have grown bored with the sims, I cannot afford sims3 or sims medieval legit so I am trying to get myself back into sims2. I am making a themed game, fantasy pseudo medieval/Renaissance make it work for my Novel world game. of course the process that is the most fun is downloading, sorting and finding cool stuff. It will be ages before I play again though because I know understand the pain of trying to default so much to make everything look right!

I'm going back on anti-depressants, it's not for the depression, it's for the anxiety this time. It's killing me with college, the idea of having two group projects this semester is doing me in. I'm not usually this bad, but I know my own body and I know something's wrong. So if the drugs can help again then I'm not going to try to get by without them anymore. My emotions are over sensitized, I'm crying at the drop of a hat which likely means my hormones are messed up. My self confidence has plummeted back down to what it was before I came out to my family as a Female to Male Transgendered 3 years ago. And talking to people about this isn't easy because of my now masculine perceived persona, which is bullshit. Men get sad! Men get anxious! Men have Emotions! O.o

I am so anxious I am avoiding all school work and I told myself that this is the year I have to make it or I will regret it for the rest of my life. But I can't do it on my own falling back into old habits.

I had an incident where someone on the internet caused me to have a complete anxious breakdown even though they were not interacting with me. It was there treatment of the others in the role play chat that caused it. I thought it was isolated but I have never had that kind of breakdown before, let alone over someone I didn't know on the internet who was not even talking to me! I'm getting rashes on my arms from stress and it will only get worse as I have five classes next semester to the four this one. I will then be moving to a new city with a room-mate away from my parents. This is my transfer year, my make it or break it as my high-school average was a piss poor 56%.

I have been on anti depressants before, 12-18 and I can feel that something is not right. I quit my other meds (Effexor) cold turkey at 18, it was hell. HELL. But the side effects terrified me and made me the drugs prisoner. I know that if I go back on any they will have to be a lower dosage, and I am going to do my research. But this is not a failure to me like some people would think, this is someone who knows that they have problems and are willing to fix them. And I have the support of this decision by my mother who has anxiety and manages without meds and my father who has severe depression which manifests as anger who is medicated. I know that by doing this it means I am in-tuned with my body's signals and I'm happy about that. So here goes nothing, and may I start feeling as though I can contact people through their ask box finally. As that was a blindingly red alarm bell for me, the first thing that my anxiety robbed me being able to do. So, I want my confidence back.

Comments

[digitaldollies]

We've never really chatted, but I had to say something here. I was on several mental health meds and in and out of facilities for about 4 years straight. Next month marks my 4 years no meds mark. I still don't have my confidence back all the way, but I find pockets of time when I feel "normal". They are increasingly longer and occur more often. But I've been having some rough patches as of late, rough enough to contemplate going back on meds. Thankfully I'm back home with family that sort of understands that I'm overly sensitive and deal with my idiosyncrasies a little better than most people. I LIVE with bi-polar with an emphasis on major depressive disorder, and severe anxiety. I've not had a full blown panic attack in a couple of years, but I still remember vividly how it felt.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this all about me, but I wanted to share that someone understands you and feels your pain. I applaud you for recognizing that you may need help and being willing to get it. If ever you need a listening ear or anything else at all please feel free to shoot me a pm. I'm sending virtual hugs because men need hugs just as much as we girls do.

[nathanialroyale]

Thank you for the reply ^^. I have new meds and they should kick in, in about 2 weeks instead of six. They're more for anxiety then depression so hopefully they will help.

I just knew I couldn't do this anymore, earlier today I thought I saw the only ex I am afraid of for emotional reasons on the bus. Had to hide myself in my book trying to calm myself down from my heart rate going crazy and a rash on my arm. I knew this wasn't healthy.

[digitaldollies]

That does sound scary. I've moved to another state to get away from someone so again I totally understand. I'm happy that the meds will be helping you. Honestly I think anxiety is one of the main things I hate. I'm always afraid that I won't or can't calm down which of course makes it worse. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

[nathanialroyale]

Thank you so much ^__^