(Nathanael has been ill sense he was a toddler and has been coped up in a cabin far away from people to keep him safe and as healthy as they can. He learned he would die of the illness at age 9 without any previous understanding of death; no outside contact, no pets, they were vegetarian. His parents, both young and from traumatic backgrounds themselves teach their child that anger is a sin when Nathanael shows anger, bitterness, frustration and resentment at the thought of him, ''Going on the long sleep alone", dying.)
--
Children who have not learned that anger, conflict and love can exist simultaneously and that conflict can be resolved will become adults that hold their emotional selves hostage in intimate relationships. The child needs to be able to express their emotions and develop the ‘I am’ without repression or intensive internal controls.
A child needs to be taught anger is normal but helped in finding healthy expressions of it. A child if not taught this will repress their angry feelings in order to survive. They will learn that feelings are more powerful than life and can injure those around them, learning that emotional expression is dangerous.
Told, “Anger leads to hate, hate to violence and violence leads to death,” the child would never wish to feel angry again. Afraid that his anger could become hate which would lead to violence and that someone he cared about would die.
Angry about something, a child is punished for it and that anger is said to be a bad emotion. Even though they are angry again later they repress it for a sense of family security and in feeling helpless in resolving the emotions, they hurt themselves, the bad one. This action results from the fear that his anger would be the cause of him dying. The cause of him going to the ‘long sleep’ sooner and bringing sorrow to his family. (This also gives fear of punishment and abandonment.)
This resulted in anxiety that cannot be relieved as by repressing the emotions no solution to the situation can be found. As displacing that anger onto himself only brings more anxiety of the response of the parents and coming punishment of that action. This anxiety could very well turn into panic.
These panic attacks are believed to be impending death, looming nearer with the increased heart rate, shortness of breath and increased pulse. Disorientation and his being light headed only adds to this feeling and the fear of having a panic attack may very well bring on the next one.
Repression sets up inner contradictions that are bound to continually threaten everyday life. Repressing a good deal of aggression and hostility may at the same time assume a compliant and passive attitude toward others, which in turn increases the likelihood that he will be exploited by other people. Repression also increases the individual’s feeling of helplessness in that it involves curtailing his own autonomy, an inner retrenchment and shelving of his own power.
- Bits and Pieces taken from, Children of Trauma (Jane Middleston Moz)