Of course, Snape was a center piece to other peoples discussion of this topic so I mention him at the end.
Finally after 15 years of working on these two books (jesu?!) I have working titles!!
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"Yet something has to be done."
Leaning against his parent's door, Nathanael's ear is pressed against it to hear better the conversation taking place within.
"The council is becoming restless; politics are keeping us away more often. Who will care for him?"
"Thom is here, he will do his duty as his husband to look after him, it cannot be helped we are away so much Elaina."
"Yes with Thom he will be alright but...Can-," a moment's silence, "Can we really trust him around Drefan? What if Drefan hurts him again? I do not know if he would tell us." My mother’s voice held soft doubt.
"What could you possibly mean; he would, of course, tell us if he was in pain. Have we ever given him a reason not to believe he could?"
"Nay of course not but this is something else entirely. Earlier when I was cleaning his wounds I found a cut down his left arm, a cut that could only have been self-inflicted. His other wounds were nothing like this from Drefan."
"Our son is a cutter? Nathanael knows that he will lose the light of his spirit to such...perverse practices. He must realize without the light of soul he is only a shell, a..a Monster."
"You..heard Peter say that?" Elaina whispers to her only child, her hands reaching out toward the nine-year-old.
There is only silence as Nathanael's eyes fall to the floor.
The Queen gathers the boy into her embrace, "Sometimes those we love say things because they are afraid."
The Prince's eyes are filled with tears at his own anger, willing himself to banish the vile emotions he was taught he should not feel. He looks up to his mother trying to hide how upset he was,"What have I done? I hurt no-no one but me! He's my father, he shouldn't be afraid of me!"
"He's not afraid of you Nathanael, he's afraid for you."
As though that simple difference made the pain any less deep.
As Cawson, Andriano, and Cohen note, acknowledgement of the monster is a necessary step in human development because in all ways it is human... Thus, a society must transcend the limitations of the past by discovering ways to include the unique until, ultimately, everything that is inherently human can be acknowledged and incorporated, including those aspects we often attribute to the monstrous in a misdirected attempt to exorcise ourselves of sin and imperfection. Monsters are the way to this transcendence.~
Wasting away, that was the hardest part of it, watching him die. I had thought the knowledge that his death was on my hands would hound me far worse then this, the physical representation of it all. But no, the wheezing breaths, the shut, dull eyes were much, much worse.
The grey pallor that would give way to blue, the poor circulation that Thom already had only making the transformation from living to dead that much quicker. Nathanael is whispering to him, clutching his hand, making promises, as if the future matters at all.
My grief has never been easy, it has always transformed itself into something more, the bitterness twisting it into rage. Always I would attempt to shift the blame, to put that hate on someone else, anyone else but me. If the grief turned to rage, and rage into hatred, I could push away all of these actualities.
Thom was going to die today, and I could blame everyone under the sun, but that wasn’t going to change the fact that this was going to destroy me.
I’ve never been a happy person, my people call me their ‘Bitter Prince’ for a number of reasons, and it was in his smile that the rays of hope shone. But there would be no hope, no dreams, not after this. I was the last one of us, father - deceased, mother - deceased, and now Thom who die as well.
Where did that leave our people?
Where did that leave me?
I feel it before I see it, as my eyes are starring at the infirmary wall, and I force myself to look down as Nathanael begins to cry, head buried in my brother’s chest.
It’s over, and I’m alone.
My head snaps up, as agony wracks through my mind, and that voice, that comfort I have depended upon for these last three years is panicking. The breaths that come are faltering, stuttering as I feel myself rise from Thom’s bedside. The darkness envelops me once again, and I allow myself to snap free from the tethers of this reality.
It looms below us, the Abyss, and this time I do not feel it as my body rears up from the bedside, back hitting the wall as shudders wrack every one of my limbs. Digits have dug into pockets, and the black diamond nearly spills from my fingertips as it is loosened from the material coverings.
Held up now, I can see the black diamond sitting upon my open palm over my brother’s body and my lips open. Yes, the words are my own, and yet they are not only mine, two voices leak free, and they overlay the words that we need to say.
“I won’t be left behind. I won’t be made to be alone. These are not my sins, I will not be damned! Purple skies…and broken glass…”
Endless seas and memories of the past,
Purple skies and broken glass,
Shattered minds, where there is no rest,
Hatred and grief, that breaks the best of us.
Thom’s soul rose from the body on that bed, a ball of glowing white light. It would be captured then, filling the black diamond. Never be alone…
In a moment of control, and with such reverence and tenderness, contrary to the way my body seemed to quiver and jerk, would I slip that diamond away into my pocket. Safe.
With that act complete we surged forward, around the bed, and our darkness did not only crawl its way up our limbs, no, now it wrapped around us in flames. Black leaking purple, climbing and falling as the infirmary melted away into the castle’s main hall.
They would scream, and they would beg and plead, they would know what it meant to lose my brother, my mother, and the people I had only ever wanted to defend!
All there was now, was that hypnotic fire, rising into the night that had eclipsed this noontime sunlight, taking with it all that stood in our way, all that brought us to this day.
Enraged yells, and so many screams.
Laughter fills the air, a maniacal sound, the laughter of the deranged, and it’s owner… its progenitor is me.
As Mankind is bound to Time,
The Ellaern are bound to Fate.
So the descendants of the Two,
Will be fettered to them both.
~ The Vita.S (Book of Sacred Life)
Each individual Ellearn has a unique and in-commensurable Destiny that determines their proper course in life. Having a Destiny meant that the Ellearn were bound to Fate, which decided one’s allotted years, and the extent of one’s life span. As with Destiny complete, the Ellearn begins to shimmer and finally, peacefully, passes on.
"Live following your Destiny, that essential nature deep within that is the will of Fate and your endpoint. Once yours or others decrees have been finished, rejoice as the life journey comes to a close."
To understand and act upon one’s Fate is the ultimate goal of an Ellearn’s life. Fate directs the individual towards Destiny and Ellearn philosophy fills them with the joy of accomplishing what they were meant to accomplish. Each individual Destiny cherished and cultivated as to conform to the decree of one’s personal Destiny preserves each person’s authentic singularity (and individuality.) “For nothing is as good as bringing about what has been decreed by the Divine, for what Fate has decreed is called nature and nothing is as good as realizing one’s Destiny and seeing it through.”
To love one’s Fate is to accept it and relish in it, yet this outlook should not be mistaken for fatalism. To the Ellearn it is very important to reject fatalism. There should be a joyous acceptance of the singular Fate that makes each Ellearn a unique individual. This joy is born from the fact that there is wiggle room within the bounds of Fate, as Fate is open to the full scope of people’s strategy and ingenuity in maneuvering through ones Fated span.
There should be no resignation in the heart of an Ellearn, only a sense of welcomed certainly for what is to come. One should actively engage in the future, not just resign your-self to what is to come. The possibility of knowing Fate meant that one should bring it to fruition through active participation and effort, cultivating ones Fated span.
The goal of such a view was to force the Ellearn to focus on the important things they could control such as cultivating their own and their families destinies whilst avoiding, thinking upon those things they could not control. These uncontrollable things would be wealth, life-span and societal position (class) as these are dictated by others so they should not be concerned with. This philosophy was a wish to change the Ellearn people’s views of what is and is not important, and to redirect people’s energy and efforts from those external concerns to the important internal concerns (family and the self.)
Those who resent their Fate cannot change it, they will simply not learn from their experiences, and will only have a hardening heart. "To attempt to destroy the natural outcome of one or another’s fate will end in disastrous results, and those who do not follow their destinies distort their heart and ruin many lives."
Fate is duty; it is purpose and inevitability of the change in the Universe. "We may regard the present state of the Universe as the effect of its past and the cause of its future." All Destinies are linked through patterns in the stars, and tied then to astrology. Fate is seen as a decree by the Gods, giving oneself an opportunity to tie themselves through their Destiny to the Destiny of the world itself.What is Destined is under the control of Fate and there are no ethical calculations involved. “As our Destiny is out of our hands, an Ellearn should never be judged upon his Fate.”
Fate from the view point of those it affects is either normative or destructive, and one works as best as they can within its bounds to correct it, but must ultimately understand that Fate is more powerful than we and as pieces upon the Divine board we simply play our parts.
I prayed for forgiveness.
I prayed for strength.
And I wished, and I prayed, and I hoped..
I could learn not be a monster anymore…
- A Child’s Prayer
Nathanael has a background of the acceptance of fate as the Ellearn all have destinies. In this way, he is no more special than the rest of his ancestors and for this reason, the idea of accepting his own demise is normalcy. Drefan, who was his biggest influence as a child, is human and comes from a background that says, 'Fuck Fate' (though this would change in Drefan's later life,) and this duality leaves Nath pretty confused. Nathanael clings to his own fatalistic and self hating tendencies in his resignation of what is to come. 'I deserve this. I'm just a monster; perhaps through this fate I will be redeemed.'
However, this outlook is actually incorrect even to the Ellearn, this fate bound species do not believe in simply laying back and allowing fate to do what it will. Ellearn philosophy states that you work with fate, that you strive to fulfill your destiny, but in a manner that is correct to yourself. This allows fulfillment of not only the Gods plans but your own within that fated framework.
Death through Martyrdom would be Absolution for his Sins - An Adolescent’s Hopes.
This comes to be understood by Nathanael, at last, toward the end of his fifteenth year. The Prince begins to understand that yes, there is give and take within his fate. He must defeat Drefan, yes, that is his destiny, but Reinn wants him to kill Drefan. Yet, the destiny only says 'Defeat' so Nathanael can choose to save Drefan instead. His acceptance of his fate morphs in and of itself alongside his own character growth. He evolves from a child who resigns himself to terrible comings because he believes he has no right to stop what is coming; to a young person who says, 'I will play your game, but I will play it by my rules and even if you win, I will have no regrets that I pushed, and I strived and I did everything in my power to make this fate right.'
Nathanael would go on to play to his own strengths, unwilling to give up his own scruples to fulfill destiny. He knows destiny must be completed, so he says, 'Even if I go about this a bit unorthodox, fate will be fulfilled.' So the adolescent takes oaths of Non-violence and Peace so he does not ever harm anyone himself. Alongside this, he takes a vow of Poverty so that his Guardians on the road back to the throne will not have to protect him as these oaths give him divine protection.
As a Death Dweller, he comes to accept his death not only fatalistically, but as an abstract concept (becoming the avatar of the God of Death.) This is done through the fact that Nathanael is more than willing to allow himself to die, yet will fight the God of Death to hell and back for the lives of his Guardians who are his friends. For this stubborn and determined strength the God of Death gives Nathanael 9 lives, and with each death Nath accepts his impending death with less resignation.
Though in further character growth, time passes and after the Prince regains the throne and becomes a parent of three children, Nathanael becomes angry at the thought of his final death as he now is leaving his babies with no mother. Oh Nath gets very angry at his fate at last in the few months before his foretold death at the end of the series, not for his own sake, no, but for his children and his kingdom that is still in ruins and needs a King.
Coming around full circle, Nathanael has accepted his destiny, he won’t fight his fate, yet that anger remains. As the eighteen year old lies dying, he realizes that he is allowed, after all those years of adherence to a script that would end with his death, to think that, 'You know what? I didn't actually deserve any of this.'
"Do you love him?" the ten year old tilts his head, allowing the sand to fall through his fingertips. Nathanael’s sister stills at the simple question, her bone thin digits dragging over the driftwood. It had been a quiet day of discovery, her brother’s agoraphobia conquered so as to allow them to explore the coast.
Time drags as Nilec’s psyche is assaulted with what the question asks. Swamped by the joyful laughter of the vampire she professed to being engaged, but love was never written into this script. Nathanael’s hand reaches out toward the rumpled form, but before sickly hands can brush the surface of sweater draped skin, the answer is finally said.
"….It is more complicated then that, little brother," Nilec’s pine greens slip from ocean expanse to face the youthful boy with a pulled, tired smile. "I know he wishes I could." Love him.
But before the next question,'Why can you not love him?' is spoken by the child, Nilec webs their fingers between them.
"This is not a time for sadness, little brother. There will be enough of that in days to come. Go on now, say hello to the sea."
The ten year old’s brows are furrowed, un-natural ice concerned but he nods unfurling at last seeming to realize he would get nothing more from Nilec. There were words on the tip of her tongue, apologizes for her vague answers, for the lies that she spun like a web, and so much inward hatred. The Seer just smiles that broken slip of lips that hides the malice and discontent, lying to everyone, even herself.
Nilec now that she had told Nathanael of his future, is a boy, who even so young, knows the future would strip him of everything. It would drive the Prince insane and push him toward that cliff that the Gods had planned for him. Nilec was just one of many who had to give him a forward shove.
"I do not love him, not because I hate him," Nilec whispers as Nathanael giggles, splashing in the aqua waves. "I do not love James because of what I must and I will do to him, for the actions they demand of me against him." It was not demanded by the Gods that Nilec Quele ever feel love, it was demanded, however, to control, to shape, to push and to bleed.
What were the uses of apologizes and hate when nothing would ever change? There was a terrible, simple acceptance in knowing your life was destined by fate.
I, I am the misery you crave
And you, you are my faithful enemy
This hunger seems to feed on me
A sacred sin, a dying breed
And we risk everything
They can never know just what we’ve done
They can never know just what we’ve done
They will never know all the blood we’ve shed
The scarlet cross we bear until the bitter end
And they, they can never know just what we’ve done
Nilec refused to love what she had been ordered to destroy.
But the world would live on, saved, so what was the bleeding of two simple souls to the fate of a world?
Nothing at all.
Born the second son and heir to the Imperial Royalian Empire in 1286 CC (CC = according to the Camarian Calender,) Drakor Orn Royale was often sent to the borderlands to keep the forces of the Holy Camarian Empire at bay. Gaining the respect of the war fatigued men under his command Drakor spoke to his sister Sirvat who was three years his junior about becoming a Liche. This way Drakor would be able to better aid his men on the battlefield. The siblings decided they would both embrace un-death side by side.
Sirvat became a vampire and stepped back from the world’s stage into the vampire courts of the Menel Swamp. But Drakor could not bow out, his lands needed him, his peoples needed him. Drakor who was already sick and tired of war would be given the throne in year 1321 CC at 35 years of age with his father’s death.
The fighting would stall, stopping if only for a couple of years before starting up once more. Camarians would advance into Royalian lands and wreck havoc before being pushed back. Royalians would advance into Camarian territory and do much the same. The 'Contested Lands' that were the constant sight of bloody warfare was scorched and dead earth. By 1447 CC Drakor had existed for over a century; tired of war and all its consequences he realizes there is but one way to create everlasting peace.
Drakor had a blade forged by the Arch Angel of Annihilation in the Void beyond the world’s edge. Exodus, the sword that was the receptacle of Drakor’s soul was capable of utter obliteration. It could destroy both the body and the soul of any being created from Light.
Drakor had been lead by,"visions of the world’s last battles as he conquered the globe. Drakor saw himself ending wars and pity feuds and being named Emperor of the entire continent. He saw Cor’terrae finally at peace."
But peace did not necessarily mean free or alive.
"Drakor was a man who had lived too long, who had seen too much war and pain, who had witnessed destruction. After so much horror, wouldn’t you want to put an end to it, too?” - Sirvat Royale.
Drakor intended to destroy those who resisted and turn undead the entire world. In doing so this would unify all peoples under his will. No thought, no expression, no life to lose, there would be no need to fight, no want to war.
The Demi Liche had conquered all the human kingdoms by 1480 CC which was nearly a third of the world. But the Elves had taken up arms beside the Jharrikk (Scaled peoples), two species that were not created by Light. A female paladin of the Goddess of Law, Eyoria, came to an understanding with her deity of what she must do to stop Drakor. Fighting side by side with Lady Meiva she lead the Jharrikk against Drakor in the northern passes in 1486 CC.
"You must think your quest is for the benefit of us all, but you are misguided. Turn back now, I have no wish to destroy you Liche. Listen to me! I will not allow you to succeed, no matter the cost. We will both die here this day."
The Meivan paladin turned Drakor’s blade upon himself, and Drakor only laughed for he knew as a Liche he would regenerate so long as his soul was safe within the blade. But Eyoria knew this too and as Drakor’s body failed she pulled back the blade only to plunge Exodus through her own heart.
Piercing the human core, (the heart where the soul resides) of herself, Eyoria gripped Drakor’s crumbling form to her own. Both bodies crumbled to dust leaving only the destructive blade in the desert sands. Eyoria’s soul being of a neutral nature, could not be destroyed by the Void and instead she allowed the Void Blade to capture her essence within it. Enveloping the dark, vengeful soul within her own Eyoria caged Drakor inside Exodus, fighting back his ability to regenerate upon Cor’terrae. Both spirits would be imprisoned within the tainted weapon for eternity.
The blade would be hidden in the eastern mountains of the desert lands within a tomb for Eyoria's companions. But this chamber of the dead would grow tainted over time, a darkness seeping forth that prompted the walling in of the stone casket for nearly five hundred years. There Exodus would remain until Prince Nathanael senses its darkness and contrary to the wishes of his own companions Nathanael takes the sword with them. Nathanael knows that Drakor's soul strangely enough is no longer within the blade at this time as Drefan had gone searching for it. The opening of the novels with Drefan coming out of detox for his opium addiction follows right after that failed endeavour.
Exodus will further taint the boy's corroding soul but offer him the whispered advice of the withering paladin who assists in the adolescents hopes of forgiving Drakor's descendent Drefan instead of destroying him. When asked where Drakor's soul is a weakening Eyoria only speaks cryptically, "The Liche is of no danger to the world on the shoulder of the walker."
The blade will eat what is left of the paladin's essence as Eyoria uses the last of her strength to give this adolescent the knowledge to save not only himself and his world but Drefan as well. So in a manner of speaking Eyoria would go on to save Cor'Terrae from not one maddened by grief liche, but two before the paladin is at last destroyed.
King Joscelin the First is Nathanael’s grandparent.
King Peter Quele is Nathanael’s father.
Queen Elaina Quele is Nathanaael’s mother.
Nilec Quele is Nathanael’s ‘sister’.
1959-1970 The Age of Lilies:
February of 1959 - Queen Tarja and King Adair, parents of King Joscelin the First are assassinated. They were commonly believed, to have been killed by a Fallen Archangel.
October of 1959 - The Dirian War Begins with the northern desert lands, headed by the newly crowned King Joscelin the First at the young Elven age of 142.
December 20th of 1959 - Joscelin the First takes Wil’helm, a Le’lis priest of common birth as his consort. In the nearly eleven years prior to their deaths, Joscelin will have spent only a grand-total of 31 days with Wil’helm because of the ongoing war.
July 15th 1962 - Elaina Laurent (Quele) is born to a Le’lis noble family.
January 4th 1963 - Nilec Quele is rescued at the age of 148 by Joscelin the First from abuse within the Temple of Fate.
April 9th 1963 - Peter Quele is born to King Joscelin the First who leaves the following evening back to the war-front.
1970 - Nilec is 155 and Peter is 7 yrs old when his parents are murdered. Joscelin will have spent a grand total of 8 days with his son before his death. Peter is given to the Arch-Deacon to raise within the Church and grows up craving attention and affection he is denied.
1971-1979 The Age of Silence:
1971 - Elaina is 8 years old when her parents are caught in a border skirmish and are killed. She is handed from noble family to noble family to be fostered, but ultimately, she is unwanted. Elaina grows up independent and rebellious.
1976 - Peter is 12 and Elaina 13 when they meet for the first time as Peter plays a prank on the parish in the Arch Deacon’s grand cathedral. She assists him in his punishment and they become close.
1978 - Elaina teaches Peter how to kiss and realizes she has fallen in love with a gay man and covers for Peter when he sneaks out to be with his male suitors.
1979 - Peter is 15 and Elaina 16 when Peter is persuaded to take the throne by the Arch Deacon. Terrified that he will be made into a Puppet King Peter asks Elaina to be his Queen. Elaina accepts realizing she will marry a man who can never love her the way she loves him.
1979-1994 The Age of Judgement:
1981 - Peter begins to demand that Nilec live in the Castle again, re-adopting his own sister as his daughter. Nilec is 166 this year and she refuses to live in the castle as she is terrified of men.
July 6th 1982 - Peter is 19 and Elaina is 20 when Nathanael is born at last. This is after four years of trying for an heir. Elaina begins to take up the political responsibility of King and Queen.
1983 - The Arch Deacon continues to try to make a Puppet King out of Peter who is unable to handle the court pressure. Elaina refuses to stand down.
1985 - Nathanael, age 3, succumbs to fevers that nearly kill him. It is at this point that a previously agnostic Peter begins his obsession with the church, praying for his son’s salvation.
1986 - Peter takes Sir Atrious, a King’s Guard Captain as his consort with his wife’s warmth and approval. Elaina refuses to take a consort as the court would use this against her in a sexist internal war. Elaina remains both King and Queen politically and largely alone personally until her death.
1987 - Nilec at 171 years of age begins to visit the Imperial palace again although her anxiety and eating disorder have worsened, she hides this to the best of her ability.
1988 - Elaina begins to try to persuade her husband to divorce her and take another wife for the sake of the Empire as she is certain she is infertile. Peter knows without her the Empire would crumble and she would be shamed into hiding if she was divorced by the Emperor so Peter, rightfully refuses.
1989 - After 4 years of experimental magic being used on Nathanael the future is bleak but Peter and Elaina will not give up. Peter turns ever more to faith and his obsession with spiritual purity grows.
1990 - The Prologue is Nilec at 175 years of age being explained to by the Deity of Fate about the future destruction of the world, and her and Nathanael’s part in saving it. Nilec believes she owes the Gods for Joscelin finding and saving her and obeys.
1992 - Chapter One opens with Nathanael at the age 9 learning he will die within three years time, and Elaina pleading one last time for the sake of the Empire to have Peter take a new wife. Peter refuses and says that Reinn Anon (Their God) will provide, they must go back to council. Nathanael is left at the cabin and Thom who is only 14 himself must explain to the 9 year old what death is.
(Nathanael has been ill sense he was a toddler and has been coped up in a cabin far away from people to keep him safe and as healthy as they can. He learned he would die of the illness at age 9 without any previous understanding of death; no outside contact, no pets, they were vegetarian. His parents, both young and from traumatic backgrounds themselves teach their child that anger is a sin when Nathanael shows anger, bitterness, frustration and resentment at the thought of him, ''Going on the long sleep alone", dying.)
Children who have not learned that anger, conflict and love can exist simultaneously and that conflict can be resolved will become adults that hold their emotional selves hostage in intimate relationships. The child needs to be able to express their emotions and develop the ‘I am’ without repression or intensive internal controls.
A child needs to be taught anger is normal but helped in finding healthy expressions of it. A child if not taught this will repress their angry feelings in order to survive. They will learn that feelings are more powerful than life and can injure those around them, learning that emotional expression is dangerous.
Told, “Anger leads to hate, hate to violence and violence leads to death,” the child would never wish to feel angry again. Afraid that his anger could become hate which would lead to violence and that someone he cared about would die.
Angry about something, a child is punished for it and that anger is said to be a bad emotion. Even though they are angry again later they repress it for a sense of family security and in feeling helpless in resolving the emotions, they hurt themselves, the bad one. This action results from the fear that his anger would be the cause of him dying. The cause of him going to the ‘long sleep’ sooner and bringing sorrow to his family. (This also gives fear of punishment and abandonment.)
This resulted in anxiety that cannot be relieved as by repressing the emotions no solution to the situation can be found. As displacing that anger onto himself only brings more anxiety of the response of the parents and coming punishment of that action. This anxiety could very well turn into panic.
These panic attacks are believed to be impending death, looming nearer with the increased heart rate, shortness of breath and increased pulse. Disorientation and his being light headed only adds to this feeling and the fear of having a panic attack may very well bring on the next one.
Repression sets up inner contradictions that are bound to continually threaten everyday life. Repressing a good deal of aggression and hostility may at the same time assume a compliant and passive attitude toward others, which in turn increases the likelihood that he will be exploited by other people. Repression also increases the individual’s feeling of helplessness in that it involves curtailing his own autonomy, an inner retrenchment and shelving of his own power.
- Bits and Pieces taken from, Children of Trauma (Jane Middleston Moz)
Drefan had not thought everything through in murdering his father, he was not normally so impulsive. The last year had disrupted and changed so much. But the King of Royale, his father was dead, in small pieces in some brook somewhere, where no-one living would find the abusive Son of a Bitch. But that meant Royale had no King, Robert’s wife Elizabeth was a mouse of a woman from the abuse, daughter of a Danaigh merchant from the north, she could not rule herself, a foreign woman and in a foreign land.
The throne fell to Drefan, but wait, the peace agreement, the legally binding marital agreement between Cama’ra and Royale told a different story. Bitter enemies for more then a millennium, this had been a very long time in coming, orchestrated by Drefan that his younger brother would marry the Camar’ian heir. So Drefan could not rule if he did not wish to break treaty. He had worked for years, putting up with slander and ridicule by his enemies to get peace for his people…
Until Thom was of age their would be no King of Royale, the throne left empty and Camar’a pulling it’s strings. Drefan had to talk to his people, translating for the two people he wanted dead now even more then his father, but the thought of war stilled his hand. With Queen Elaina and King Peter standing at his back he passes the edicts that are veiled threats, and diplomatic vomit. He cools his expression and acts the diplomat as he boils inside, strings being pulled as a marinate.
The people of Royale listened to him, true heir of the Dark throne, to tell them to peacefully give up their arms, the men ordered to give up their swords and military academies closed. The Kingdom of Light feared it’s old enemy greatly and the only control they could keep was through military superiority. Drefan felt the clenching of his gut squeeze harder each and every time he saw the look of confusion, the mix of trust and loyalty in the eyes of his people. An honest bewilderment of people with too great an honor code to not obey their Lord. The Royalians simply wanted to know why Drefan was agreeing, they wanted to know why they did not fight the Camar’ians.
All Drefan could say to them in his anguished eyes was…
By Nanqa, the Dark Lord, I’ll do something.
The resignation of their eyes would only grow in the next year as foreign policies were instated, foreign guards and lords taking the place of their own. Sadness, anger Drefan could have understood, could have comforted but resignation? Resignation was unassailable.
To save himself and his brother from private agony he had caused the oppression of his own people by their oldest enemy. Peaceful the guise may have been he knew as Elaina and Peter took his brother Thom aside to teach him how to rule that they would systematically destroy everything Royalian about his beloved homeland.
Drefan’s killing of his father caused this disaster, then the spell he meant to use on one of his brother’s friends went awry and began to slowly kill his brother… His mother Elizabeth suicides and Drefan knows as he reads the note she left behind it is his fault. Monster.
At last his brother succumbs to the disease from the spell and perishes with Drefan clutching his hands at Thom’s bedside. Chaos had been inching it’s way, twisting in, breaking pieces away and finally his mind shattered. Everything he had meant to do to help had only furthered the destruction of everything he held dear.
So then, who were the first to die when he loses himself to the darkness and his God with him?
The King and Queen of Cama’ra.
Gaelians, the people of Camar’a, oppressors of his people.
Those who scorned and hated him still.
All would die, and rise again to serve him in undeath. All for the love of his family and his homeland.
Nilec, Nathanael’s sister is told of her destiny by her Goddess, Wan’an’iena, Goddess of Fate and Time. Nilec does not fight this because of a past where she had nothing except her Goddess by her side. She knows she will have to manipulate a man into loving her, marrying her and together they will take a country through her visions and strategy. This will aid her brother Nathanael when he is taking back the throne through the army they will be able to give him to take back the capitol city. Nilec knows she will break this man, James, and she does not wish to do so but knows that Elves were not given the gift of free will like man. She will do as her destiny foretells.
Nathanael heir to the Camar’ian throne finds out he is going to die at age 9 of chronic illness. He has been married to the prince of the southern country, Thom sense birth for peace. Camar’a and Royale have been at war for nearly two millenia because of ideological and religious hatred. The Northern country of Camar’a following the God of Light Reinn Anon, and the southern country following the God of Darkness Nanqa.
Prince Drefan, Thom’s older brother acted as diplomat to the north and arranged the marriage so his war weary country could have peace. Elaina, Nathanel’s mother is both King and Queen as her husband is overwhelmed and mentally weak, Peter being a pawn to the nobles. Elaina and Peter have Nathanael grow up in a cabin far from the court so he will be able to have a childhood as they did not because of the courts.
Thom and Drefan are more parents to Nathanel then his actual parents, even so he still wishes for their warmth and approval. The boy finds out he does not just enjoy but craves pain, a mental disease that he cannot escape. Thom is concerned but supportive, Drefan shows Nathanael his own scars.
Drefan at the beginning of the book is being cared for by his brother Thom and friend Lawrence at the end of a six week recovery from nearly 9 months of doing opium. His body is dying as well from the damage done to his lungs and liver among other things. Drefan becomes a lich to keep himself ‘alive’, giving up his soul in exchange for immortality as members of his bloodline have done in the past. He also hopes this will give him the power to overpower and finally kill his father Robert who has been abusing Thom, his mother Elizabeth and he. Thom does not remember this abuse though as Drefan cleans his memories wishing to preserve his brothers kind nature and not have Thom turn as bitter as he.
In a dream/vision of a theater, Thom, Robert and Elizabeth are dead, being puppet-ed upon the stage. Nathan goes up the winding iron staircase to find the puppet master. Drefan is watching as well from down the iron walkway, his expression stoney in his shock and revulsion at what they are seeing.
The one puppeting is a form that shifts like liquid from Drefan, to Robert, to Nathanael, to shadowy figures that neither can completely make out except one. But Drefan knows this one, his own God, Nanqa, and he keeps this information to himself. Nathan still yells at Drefan that he doesn’t want to be monster, they still argue, Drefan still angrily insists that no one wants to be a monster and Nathan falls as the railing breaks.
Nathan wakes up from this dream and Nilec tells Nathanael of his destiny. That he will lose everything and everyone and must have the strength to take back the throne and have a child before his death at 18. Nathanael who only knows conditional love from his parents and knows of his father’s shame in him because of his craving of pain believes himself a monster too, he will not fight a painful destiny that he at 9 years old believes he deserves.
Drefan after the vision now knows that this will be the future and tries to change it. Giving him another reason to kill Robert besides his vengeance, he believes if he kills his father perhaps his family will be safe not only from all these years of abuse but from a terrible future. However his anger and hatred still lead him down the same path and even with good intentions Drefan still is the reason that his father Robert, Mother Elizabeth and brother Thom all die. Everything he did was with good intentions, wishing to save his mother and brother, giving his country peace, but in the end these good intentions paved the road to hell. It is his fault his entire family dies, that his country is taken by Camar’a, and that destiny still prevails.
Coming to realize that he is the cause for everything, that he really is a monster, a monster worse even then his father over the dying body of his brother transforms him. That he in doing everything to escape destiny, only helped it to prevail is the catalyst that sends him hurtling into the abyss, shattering his mind. He has nothing left to lose after the betrayal of his love Riq’ua, who refused to believe that he was being abused and the pushing away his only friend for Lawrence’s safety.
Nanqa, God of Darkness who was inside Drefan’s mind to attempt to help him through all of his struggles is caught within a mortal mind. Nanqa knows he has failed his bloodline, for Drefan is a scion of his line and within a mortal mind Nanqa shatters from guilt and rage. The diety then becomes consumed by Drefan’s hatred and wish for vengeance, and does not only kill Nathanael’s family and the court of Camar’a but goes on a warpath.
Nathanael lost his own family that day as well but, The God of Light, Reinn Anon, who Nathanael is the scion of tells him he must kill the last remaining person Nathan has, as Nathanael does not know if Nilec lives. Nathanael must save his world by killing the last person he loves in the world.
Broken and shattered Drefan not only destroys the country that made his own suffer, genocides the people most beloved by the other Gods because his people were hated but goes on to try to kill All life. Everything would suffer. Everything would Die.
Drefan becomes the enemy.
Nathanael has to stop him.
Novel Start Ages - June 11th 1992 :
(Nathanael has not yet had his birthday that would make him 10.)
1992 - Peter 28, Eliana 29
1992 - Nathy 9, Drefan 19
1992 - Nilec 177
1992 - Thom 14
1992 - Lawrence Aktarian 20
1992 - Drydren Atrious 34
1992 - Elizabeth Royale 36
1992 - Robert Royale 39
Birth dates, Year and Month:
Nilec - July 14th 1815
Damion - September 28th 1821
Drefan - December 7th 1973
Thom - October 12th, 1977
Nathy - July 6th 1982
Jay - August 27th 1996
Kallion - February 29 1998
Jocelin - April 2th 1998
Mallie - June 15th 2000
Peter when his parent Joscelin is murdered at 154 years of age is 7 yrs old in year 1970.
Nilec is 167, Peter is 20 and Linda is 19 when Nathanael is born in year 1982.
Robert is 39 when he is murdered in year 1992.
Elizabeth is 37 when she suicides in year 1993.
Peter is 30, Linda 31 when they are murdered and Thom 17 when he dies of disease in year 1994 leaving Nathanael 12.
Nilec is 185 and Damion is 179 when Nathanael dies at 18 in year 2000.
Drefan, you tried to set me free and I do thank you and I know you did it the only way you knew how. You live what you learn you once said long ago. There is truth and lie to such a statement. You live what you have learned and wish to teach. To love and never have hated is to never have felt true passion; I think I am realizing that now. All emotions are flips of a coin, heads and tails, darkness and light.
I can feel hate, I used to deny it, I used to wonder why I couldn’t feel it. But that was not true, I can, but I have blocked it out, deep in my heart. But what has that done for me all this time? I tried to block out anger as well, and it has taken all this time, the loss and the abuse to realize that both emotions are only just that, emotions like the rest. I thank you Drefan for what you did for me but I hate you all the same. I am angry at you for the years of my life you stole from me, the hopes and dreams you shattered because you had none yourself. You tried to destroy me, but you made me stronger. You tainted and liberated me. I thank you…and I hate you.
I am growing up, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m learning to love myself; I am an altruist, and a masochist. I may have been a monster, but now I am Damion’s angel. I was a broken china doll, but now I am someone’s salvation, their hopes and their dreams. I am looking to the future now not the past; I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself now. I never realized by hating myself how much I was hurting people who loved me. I am sorry. I’m a hypocrite, wishing to not burden others, and to hurt them. I always ended up blaming myself, but I just didn’t want to blame other people, I did not want to hurt or sadden others.
But the greatest pain is to see someone you love never forgive themselves, to believe themselves undeserving. I will stop hating myself and hurting others through that self deprecation. I will try to forgive myself for the things in my life I cannot change; I will try to love myself through all the pain and all the sadness. I will love, I will hate, I will cry and I will scream; I want to be whole. Like some scattered puzzle I will find all of my wayward pieces so you, my love, can help me put myself together again. I want to be worthy and I know that I need to find myself worthy first.
Damion? Will you wait for me? I’m still learning even as I am dying, and I may fail… But what is important is trying right? So I will try. For Drefan who is my past, for Damion my present and for my son who is my future and at last…Myself too.
I will try.
- Nathanial Peter Quele Royale