nathanialroyale: (Nathan)



Rating: (M)
Warnings: Mentions of Abuse,Manipulations, Insanity.
Content Notes: Rene's inner voices can be absolutely horrible sometimes.

--

You need to get away from this place, you know this isn’t right…

“I cannot just abandon her!”

She has no need for you, she had no need for James either. Why did Nilec keep him, not just kill him at the start? You need her, your mother, but she has no need for you. She never has, you play the same game, dance the same dance with her that she did with him..

Claw length fingernails dug into his scalp as Rene battled with the voices of the abyss in a palace hall where no one else tread.

Your daughter needs you, Siliv needs you to be whole and unbroken, how can you be a better man then James when you allow yourself to be manipulated and strung about whichever way your mother pleases?Just like she did to him!

Why did the voices always sound like Mallie when they spoke of his mother? Joscelin when they mentioned the children? Was it to cause his ire to rise? Mallie had left! She had run away leaving him to this hell alone! Rene was caring for Siliv and Kcri, he protected them, fathered them as best as he could. Better then Joscelin who seemed to not even try!

“I never was whole,” the vampire mumbled bitterly to no one but the shady figures of the Twisted Realm that laughed at his pain.

Why do you remain Nilec’s hound? Play the game, take the blame and tell yourself it is for everyone but yourself. You have never been that selfless, that compassionate. Your a murderer! Why do you stay where you know you will eventually lose your mind? You will break into a thousand crystal pieces, following the path of destruction your father wrought beneath your mother’s hands.

A silent scream off endless white walls, agonized. Nails gauged tracks through white hair pulled in clumps as blood began to slide down the bridge of Rene’s nose. Silence followed and the question was raised again by the whispering chorus.

Why do you not take your daughter and leave if you are stronger then I? If you are not me, then leave, just simply walk away…

A strangled laugh answered as limbs began to shake. It had been a while sense the splintered glass and backbiting abuse had taken on that voice. James answered for him.

You have no where to go, my son…

Scarlet eyes flashed open to stare at the marble floor speckled with blood as his vision swam red.

“I…I have..no where..to go.”

It appeared that the shouts and whispers, bites and sound began to quiet as the only truth he knew breathed air.

Once there was a mother, a father and a son.
A tormented boy whose mind they were to destroy.
They meant to create within him a perfect mirror.
No dreams could heal all that shattered glass.
All his resistance, it seemed, only surrendered more screams.
The monster was caught inside a web the mother and father had spun.
But after so long had grafted to his own lies.
Rene had no where to run.


nathanialroyale: (Scream)

(I was too poor to get my girlfriend a valentine’s day gift so I wrote her a drabble instead. I couldn’t get my Marvel muses to work so it’s my OC’s instead. Material is heavy but she understood the significance of this. - Jay/Rene begins to understand and let go of the past.)

“I’m meant to; hate them I mean.”

“For what was done to you? Perhaps, it would be an understood response.”

“I feel as though if I do not hate him I am allowing him to win. I’m expected to hate him, supposed to curse his name and scrape goat them both for what happened to me.”

“Do you believe that Rene? Honestly? There is no winning or losing in this, only a wish to go on living. No one else has to live with this pain but you, it is your choice, and yours alone to embrace the suffering of your past and yet go on living.”

“What is the point of scrape-goating? Emile lost his mind to become James, insanity was his excuse. My mother Nilec was told by her Goddess to do what she did, and it was through her not knowing how to comfort Emile that he shattered. If I am not to blame my parents, the ones who were there, the one who abused me then who do I blame? Fate? The Gods?”

“Gods are Gods, and men are men. Gods are blamed often for the follies of man and elf alike, but they sit away making choices and watching events they do not comprehend. Must there be a scrape goat to lessen your pain?”

“No… But I fear having no one to blame but myself.”

“Yourself? Why would you be at the end of that thought Rene? You were the victim of abuse, of a breaking of trust that should never have been violated. You see with time, we as children love our parents unconditionally, but as we grow, we begin to judge them, our illusions of their perfection lost by reality. But it is those that can rise above the rest that go on in time…to forgive them their inadequacy.”

Rene’s brows furrowed his hands clasped hard beneath the wood table, red from the pressure of his fingers pressing down on bare skin.

Lord Riq’ua’s own hands were settled on his lap on the opposite side of the table from the young vampire, “But forgiveness is a higher calling that I would not expect of you until it is your time. Never do I dare assume I can understand your suffering. I am only an ear, a mouth piece of advice for you Rene Durand. You have already come so far from the man James wished you to be, and that is enough for me. You are reborn, and there should be required no further change in yourself perception.”

“I have tried to become a better man, be who Emile was, not James. The man my father used to be. But I would still like to be me.”

“And what are you then?”

Rene laughed a soft sad laugh and he shook his head, white hair falling before albino pink eyes, “That I do not know. There are titles given to me, titles I have taken. But what do they all mean. I am the son of a tyrant, with a mother who is a murderer, a manipulator. I told myself I would be nothing like them, but what did I become? What I feared, what I loathed. Everyone looks to me and still sees James, and for that reason there is a little hate in my heart for my father. I had no choice in this, to be looked at with loathing and judged for my parentage and the blood that runs through my veins. But for no other reasons then those will I give them to judge me. I’m a prince, a vampire of the clan of the Rose; I am a father and a husband.”

“And what of those are the most important to you? I would think the last two.”

“Yes. I’m a father to Siliv before anything else, and a husband to Joscelin, my love for him is still strong with all he has done for me.”

“Then make yourself from that, no one can expect of you more then what you are willing to give Rene. Hatred or love, forgiveness or scrape goating, it is your pain, your past. You know you are the one who makes your own choices and only they who have not taken chances in life can say they wish to die with no regrets. Everyone has regrets, but just do not allow them to keep you from living.”

“Thank you Riq’ua.”

The High Advisor inclined his head to the prince who stood and bowed to him in respect although Rene’s political position was higher and he watched the young vampire leave the library behind, the large room dead now expect for the sounds of the elder elf meditatively breathing.

nathanialroyale: (Dance)


“I do not need your protection anymore!”

The words echoed off the cold stone of the royal bedroom, the argument that had proceeded them seemed pity in light of the sentence that punched the King of Camar’a and left him breathless. That was what Joscelin was; a protector. Everything he wanted to be, could ever be was wrapped within the blades he used to protect his family, his kingdom and his people.

Silence filled hollow wounds, Rene’s eyes afire with contention, starring at the man that he had married three years ago. Royalty; they both were, and the marriage had been arranged. They had come into this hoping for love, but everything fell apart, and Rene still knew he was to blame. The vampire flinched as the quiet became oppressive, and he buried his face into his hands. Again! Again I fall into the traps of who I used to be. Again, I wound him, let loose the temper I had sworn to hold in.

“Joscelin…”

The Elvish King shook his head, the quick motion attempting to hold back the tearing of his heart that was so very visible in lavender eyes.

“Then I am of no use to you,” Joscelin’s arms folded over his chest in the traditional style as he gave the Blade Dancing bow, his face a mask of ice. Rene reached out toward the other though a table was between them both and the Elf shook his head once again. Rene’s lips opened in vain, but he let his eyes close. How can I make this right? Every time we speak, we fight, we have nearly killed each other through our love. How many times am I going to be sorry?

Blood stung in his eyes as the tears collected moist as he watched Joscelin step around him, no words between them now.

Regrets, so many regrets…

“Don’t protect me! Fight beside me Joscelin!” The words rushed with raw passion past pale lips, turning in a flash of vampire speed, his hand gripping Joscelin’s shoulder.

“You say I see you as prey, that you want to be my equal! Then we should be equals both. No possessiveness, no protectiveness, side by side, Joscelin! I say the wrong things, but I do not want to give up on this, on us!”

Joscelin had froze when his shoulder was gripped and a sigh left him,”Partners?”

“Yes, friends perhaps, someday. I do not ask for your love after what I have done, but together we are stronger then apart. Fight with me.”

Joscelin turned with sad smile,”I’ve been trying you stubborn vampire. But very well, again. We will learn to fight together, not against each other. I hope.”

Rene grips the shoulder harder,”Thank you. For another chance.” Again. What try was this? The sixth? The seventh? He could no longer remember…Let it be the last.

Please.

nathanialroyale: (Scream)

Title: Blood and Nature
Prompt: Hunger
Rating: (PG-13)
Content Notes/Warnings: 16 years after the novels, Joscelin has recently been crowned King and has been forced into an arranged marriage for Peace to marry Jay, a vampire from the north lands he despises. No Warnings.

Vampires in my novels were originally created from torturing elves in hell for many centuries, the older vampires too strong to go on remained as spirits. These spirits can inhabit people’s bodies turning them into vampires, but the bloodlines also continued like a blood disease from the eldest. Because vampires were once elves they are hated in the very bone of most elf kind. Coupled with elvish immunity to infections and disease it makes it so that Elves cannot be turned into vampires. Elvish vampires are not 'supposed' to exist.

Main Character/s: Fa, Joscelin Quele Ante, Jay James Red Rose Quele Cross. Mentions of Nathanial Peter Quele Royale, Mentions of Damion Ante
Plot: After the novels, Joscelin an elf has recently been crowned King and has been forced in an arranged marriage for Peace to marry Jay, a vampire from the north lands he despises.
Location: illander Castle, Capitol of Camar'a.




Spinning the figure at arm’s length back to his body, Fa watched through the black and silver fringed mask. Did the young man realize who it was he danced with? Did the feel of another cold hand give memory to his dance partner of what he was?

Fa knew who it was he danced with, the masks were meant on this night to give an allure of mystery, but for some this was a useless endeavor. The one whose body was mere inches from his own was the newly crowned King Joscelin, son of the Boy-King Nathanial. The smell of the pine trees of his people and the soft undertone of rose soap alongside the leather of his usual ranger outfit was telltale. He knew with whom he danced, but did this young Elfling?

 



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